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Since February I've be preparing for today. Dreading this day actually and that made me sad because today is my birthday. I've always loved birthdays and celebrate for several days leading up to the big day, but this year was going to be different. This year my birthday was suppose to be filled with things that are far from cause for celebration.
I've been praying about this day for two months, asking for God's will to prevail and deeply longing for His guidance to get me through the day. I've asked countless people to pray for this day. Understanding that on this day something else trumps my birthday.
Now let me just tell you that I turn 35 today...a milestone in one's life. It's a big deal if I do say so myself. To some it's not a good moment, but to me it's awesome. Life for me just keeps getting better, my relationships grow deeper and I feel better in my skin as I grow older. Leading up to today I should be living it up, preparing for a fantastic day, instead I've been preparing for something else.
Then the call came.
What I've been needing to prepare for is no longer happening; at least not today, it'll happen some other day. At first total frustration took over and I kept saying "I just want it to be over!" but this morning as I lay in my bed pondering the fact that it's my birthday and I'm now officially 35 all I could think was look how God answers prayers.
This day has turned out to be wonderful, spending it with my mom shopping and being able to just focus on it being my birthday and now to end the day spending it with my children and my Charlie Brown. "On this day God thought enough of you to create you"...words spoken by the one man that has truly and unconditionally loved me, words I heard as I prepared for the day, words that God used to remind me that yes he hears how important this day is to me...because it reminds me of my value in Him.
So happy birthday to me! Thank you God for allowing me this moment and bring on the next 35 years baby!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
The Little Things
Two years ago we moved into the house we currently live in...in February. It snowed all night, the night before, and I woke up to it still snowing. I began to pray before I even got out of bed that it would stop snowing just long enough for us to get moved, then I didn't care if it snowed the rest of the day! We began to load the first truck at 9:05am and....at 9:04 it had stopped snowing. We finished the last load at 12:00 and...it started snowing again at 12:30. That's right, it didn't snow one flake the entire time we moved! Little on God's radar, huge on mine!
I remember hearing a story when I was a little girl about my grandpa. He was a preacher but he was also in construction. I heard the story that he and his workers had poured a foundation for a building and before it had time to set a threat of rain came; my grandpa had his workers join him to surround this foundation and begin to pray over it, asking God to keep the rain from it. It rained all around them, but not on the foundation! Little on God's radar, huge on my grandpa's!
I don't think we have any problem going to God with what we think are big problems, we don't have any trouble crying out to him in times of our deepest needs. And we don't seem to have any problem giving Him the credit when something huge happens that can't seem to be explained any other way outside of a miracle.
But what about the small things? The small problems. The small miracles. Small to us...so do they matter to God? Should we bother Him with our "stupid little issues"? Should we think that He'll take the time to do something about ANYTHING we talk to Him about?
YES!
“The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children” (1 John 3:1). His children. If you've accepted Christ as your Savior, then you're a Child of God. And as His child, He cares about what you care about. Even the little things. Don't we as parents care about what matters to our own children? If they come to us with a worry, with a desire, with a goal don't we spend time talking with them about it, helping them figure out how to achieve it, the steps needed to make it happen? Well...again I remind us of what it says right there IN THE BIBLE...“The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children” (1 John 3:1).
So, yes talk to God about the little things. If it's important to you it's important to Him! And then, give Him the credit when it works out!!
I remember hearing a story when I was a little girl about my grandpa. He was a preacher but he was also in construction. I heard the story that he and his workers had poured a foundation for a building and before it had time to set a threat of rain came; my grandpa had his workers join him to surround this foundation and begin to pray over it, asking God to keep the rain from it. It rained all around them, but not on the foundation! Little on God's radar, huge on my grandpa's!
I don't think we have any problem going to God with what we think are big problems, we don't have any trouble crying out to him in times of our deepest needs. And we don't seem to have any problem giving Him the credit when something huge happens that can't seem to be explained any other way outside of a miracle.
But what about the small things? The small problems. The small miracles. Small to us...so do they matter to God? Should we bother Him with our "stupid little issues"? Should we think that He'll take the time to do something about ANYTHING we talk to Him about?
YES!
“The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children” (1 John 3:1). His children. If you've accepted Christ as your Savior, then you're a Child of God. And as His child, He cares about what you care about. Even the little things. Don't we as parents care about what matters to our own children? If they come to us with a worry, with a desire, with a goal don't we spend time talking with them about it, helping them figure out how to achieve it, the steps needed to make it happen? Well...again I remind us of what it says right there IN THE BIBLE...“The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are his children” (1 John 3:1).
So, yes talk to God about the little things. If it's important to you it's important to Him! And then, give Him the credit when it works out!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
Another Holiday
Today is Good Friday. We get the day off work, off school, the day to just be...but why? How many of us take the time to really think about why we have this day off? How many take advantage of the day, but not advantage of the reason? How many of us call ourselves Christian yet do nothing more than just say "I believe"?
Sunday is THE reason. Sunday is THE why.
I've worked really hard to get to where I am today, to become the woman I am. A lot of time, a lot tears, a lot of conversations, and a lot of silent moments. But all of that pales in thinking about why I'm a Christian. All of that pales when understanding the fact that as Jesus hung on that cross I was on his mind. Christ died for me. Christ rose for me. For you. For us.
I speak because it's the least I can do. My words have nothing to do with trying to change you, win you or prove you wrong. My words are spoken because of this weekend. Just believing isn't enough. Calling yourself a Christian isn't enough. Being happy to have the day off work isn't enough. This weekend is FOR us, it's because of us. This weekend is our gift and it wasn't intended to be placed on the shelf and looked at every now and then, like on holidays because it's what your suppose to do.
Believing, accepting, receiving...that will get you in. It will. But until that day comes that you need to get through the gates, until then...that's important too. Use the gift you've been given. Talk about, learn about it, feel it. Open your hands, open your heart, open your mouth and use the gift!! Otherwise, this is just another day, just another weekend, just another holiday.
Sunday is THE reason. Sunday is THE why.
I've worked really hard to get to where I am today, to become the woman I am. A lot of time, a lot tears, a lot of conversations, and a lot of silent moments. But all of that pales in thinking about why I'm a Christian. All of that pales when understanding the fact that as Jesus hung on that cross I was on his mind. Christ died for me. Christ rose for me. For you. For us.
I speak because it's the least I can do. My words have nothing to do with trying to change you, win you or prove you wrong. My words are spoken because of this weekend. Just believing isn't enough. Calling yourself a Christian isn't enough. Being happy to have the day off work isn't enough. This weekend is FOR us, it's because of us. This weekend is our gift and it wasn't intended to be placed on the shelf and looked at every now and then, like on holidays because it's what your suppose to do.
Believing, accepting, receiving...that will get you in. It will. But until that day comes that you need to get through the gates, until then...that's important too. Use the gift you've been given. Talk about, learn about it, feel it. Open your hands, open your heart, open your mouth and use the gift!! Otherwise, this is just another day, just another weekend, just another holiday.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Deposit Please
I read a book several years ago that talked about making a deposit or withdraw from someones "love tank". The idea is when you do or say something nice you're making a deposit, when you do or say something not nice you make a withdraw.
Most people in my life poke fun at me. I'm a pretty sarcastic person so I think this gives the impression I can handle all sarcasm all the time. I'd like to think I can handle it, but I have to admit not all the time.
I think we get so caught up in doing what we've always done, treating people in ways they let us treat them, that we lose sight of value. Sarcasm is void of value, it just is. When you're busy making fun of someone you're not saying things like I'm proud of you, I admire you, I respect you, I learn from you. When you're blowing off something that's said through a sarcastic comment you're saying what you just said isn't going to impact me. Sarcasm is an ugly wall we hide behind way to much.
Sometimes I go into hiding from most of the world because honestly, I can't handle the poking fun, the sarcasm, the comments. I hide because it's better than saying "for just once will you act like you value me, act like your mature, act like we're not 12". I hide because my love tank is empty and if you keep making withdraws someone is going to get hurt.
Next time you want to poke fun at someone, next time you want to brush off words with your own words, next time you're tempted to be sarcastic I challenge you to stop and ask yourself when's the last time you said something nice to that person, when's the last time you built them up with encouragement and love? Get out from behind that wall of sarcasm and actually engage in the moment...make a deposit that's larger than your withdraws please.
Most people in my life poke fun at me. I'm a pretty sarcastic person so I think this gives the impression I can handle all sarcasm all the time. I'd like to think I can handle it, but I have to admit not all the time.
I think we get so caught up in doing what we've always done, treating people in ways they let us treat them, that we lose sight of value. Sarcasm is void of value, it just is. When you're busy making fun of someone you're not saying things like I'm proud of you, I admire you, I respect you, I learn from you. When you're blowing off something that's said through a sarcastic comment you're saying what you just said isn't going to impact me. Sarcasm is an ugly wall we hide behind way to much.
Sometimes I go into hiding from most of the world because honestly, I can't handle the poking fun, the sarcasm, the comments. I hide because it's better than saying "for just once will you act like you value me, act like your mature, act like we're not 12". I hide because my love tank is empty and if you keep making withdraws someone is going to get hurt.
Next time you want to poke fun at someone, next time you want to brush off words with your own words, next time you're tempted to be sarcastic I challenge you to stop and ask yourself when's the last time you said something nice to that person, when's the last time you built them up with encouragement and love? Get out from behind that wall of sarcasm and actually engage in the moment...make a deposit that's larger than your withdraws please.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Desperation vs Determination.
This morning I was watching tv and heard "Jesus never helped anyone that didn't ask for it"...what? He didn't? He didn't exhaust himself over those who he knew had great potential and were throwing it away in one way or another? He didn't beg people, saying "Jesus loves you! Please come to church!" He didn't talk and talk and talk and talk, throwing in crying every now and then, trying to guilt them into becoming a Christian? What?
I've known this, yet today I received just a little more clarity about it. The picture that I just wrote about, can't you just see Jesus shaking his head at us as we try and do that very thing with the people around us? Can't you see Him saying, "um, did I do that? If I didn't do that then why are you?" Why are we? Because we operate out of desperation, he operated out of determination.
Jesus was determined to make the most out of his short time on this earth. He was determined to help those who wanted it and he knew there was a lot of them! If he spent his time on the ones that didn't, a whole lot of people would lose out! A whole lot of time would be lost!
Yet, I do this. I seem to attract VERY broken men, different kinds of broken, but very broken still. And the center of that brokenness, they don't seek after God with their WHOLE heart. So what do I do? Spend LOTS of energy trying to change that, trying to "help" them. After all, maybe that's why God brought them into my life!! Or, maybe, just maybe, it's Satan's way of keeping my wheels spinning in one place because if I am let loose and actually spend time on the people that WANT Christ to be their center, GASP, then what?! Shiny objects can be so distracting.
Don't get me wrong, I will still talk with everyone I meet about God and why He should be their center. And I'll still continue to attract VERY broken men (I highlight very because we're all broken to some degree), but the difference now is I'm done wasting energy where it's not productive. I'm done being desperate for you to "please love god". Instead I shall be determined, be ready, to come alongside those that want it and pray for those that don't and trust God to help me see the difference.
And just so we're clear...You should love God, you should go to church, you should have Christ be your center. I'm not giving up on you, Jesus didn't give up on you (he died for ALL mankind), I'm just merely shifting my focus.
I've known this, yet today I received just a little more clarity about it. The picture that I just wrote about, can't you just see Jesus shaking his head at us as we try and do that very thing with the people around us? Can't you see Him saying, "um, did I do that? If I didn't do that then why are you?" Why are we? Because we operate out of desperation, he operated out of determination.
Jesus was determined to make the most out of his short time on this earth. He was determined to help those who wanted it and he knew there was a lot of them! If he spent his time on the ones that didn't, a whole lot of people would lose out! A whole lot of time would be lost!
Yet, I do this. I seem to attract VERY broken men, different kinds of broken, but very broken still. And the center of that brokenness, they don't seek after God with their WHOLE heart. So what do I do? Spend LOTS of energy trying to change that, trying to "help" them. After all, maybe that's why God brought them into my life!! Or, maybe, just maybe, it's Satan's way of keeping my wheels spinning in one place because if I am let loose and actually spend time on the people that WANT Christ to be their center, GASP, then what?! Shiny objects can be so distracting.
Don't get me wrong, I will still talk with everyone I meet about God and why He should be their center. And I'll still continue to attract VERY broken men (I highlight very because we're all broken to some degree), but the difference now is I'm done wasting energy where it's not productive. I'm done being desperate for you to "please love god". Instead I shall be determined, be ready, to come alongside those that want it and pray for those that don't and trust God to help me see the difference.
And just so we're clear...You should love God, you should go to church, you should have Christ be your center. I'm not giving up on you, Jesus didn't give up on you (he died for ALL mankind), I'm just merely shifting my focus.
Monday, March 28, 2011
God, I promise...
When I was in high school I wasn't on good speaking terms with God...until I needed something from Him. I remember being in math class, getting ready for a test over stuff I didn't understand, praying to God "if you give me the answers I promise I'll study harder next time." I'd fail the test and that would just give another reason why I couldn't trust God. I'd try again, "God if you make that boy like me, I promise I'll be a good girlfriend." He wouldn't like me and I've have another reason pointing out that God must not want me to be happy.
Some of us go to church because we feel we have to, some of us follow God because we feel we owe it to Him. We make deals with God and it appears He held up his part, got us out of some jam, so we sit our happy butts in church and sing songs that have no real meaning. We walk around with our Christian faces on, only we feel indebted to God and wonder when He'll decide our good deeds just aren't good enough any more.
I wanted God to help me, only I hadn't done my part. I wanted God to fix something only it wasn't right for me at all. My focus was on me, what I want, what I lacked, what I needed to "get through the moment"; never was my focus on God, following Him, loving Him, seeking what He wants for me. I only talked to God when I needed something.
God doesn't deal. God isn't a quick fix. God isn't your safety net, your get out of jail free card, your do this and I'll do that. Shame on us for ever thinking like that...yet, here I was just the other day, having sought God for over seven years with all that I am, doing that very thing that I know better; I was thinking "a equals b." I'm in pain so I must of made God mad. Sigh, when will my brain connect with my heart?
When you deal with God, the deal eventually runs out. When you come to church because you owe it to him you eventually stop coming. When you bargain with God it lasts as long as the urgency is there, then the old you comes back out to play.
My sweet friends, join in me saying no more. No more thinking a equals b. No more thinking "whew God got me out of that, ok I better be a better person". No more going to church out of guilt. Be a Christian because you have a Creator that says I love you more than the birds in the air, I need you more than the stars in the sky, I know you better than you know yourself. Love God, follow God, seek God because without Him you are lost. If a truly equals b then...Jesus died for you and there's nothing you can do to increase it or lose it. That's Truth you can promise to accept.
Some of us go to church because we feel we have to, some of us follow God because we feel we owe it to Him. We make deals with God and it appears He held up his part, got us out of some jam, so we sit our happy butts in church and sing songs that have no real meaning. We walk around with our Christian faces on, only we feel indebted to God and wonder when He'll decide our good deeds just aren't good enough any more.
I wanted God to help me, only I hadn't done my part. I wanted God to fix something only it wasn't right for me at all. My focus was on me, what I want, what I lacked, what I needed to "get through the moment"; never was my focus on God, following Him, loving Him, seeking what He wants for me. I only talked to God when I needed something.
God doesn't deal. God isn't a quick fix. God isn't your safety net, your get out of jail free card, your do this and I'll do that. Shame on us for ever thinking like that...yet, here I was just the other day, having sought God for over seven years with all that I am, doing that very thing that I know better; I was thinking "a equals b." I'm in pain so I must of made God mad. Sigh, when will my brain connect with my heart?
When you deal with God, the deal eventually runs out. When you come to church because you owe it to him you eventually stop coming. When you bargain with God it lasts as long as the urgency is there, then the old you comes back out to play.
My sweet friends, join in me saying no more. No more thinking a equals b. No more thinking "whew God got me out of that, ok I better be a better person". No more going to church out of guilt. Be a Christian because you have a Creator that says I love you more than the birds in the air, I need you more than the stars in the sky, I know you better than you know yourself. Love God, follow God, seek God because without Him you are lost. If a truly equals b then...Jesus died for you and there's nothing you can do to increase it or lose it. That's Truth you can promise to accept.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Trust
"But do you trust me?" those are words I often hear when talking with God and more times than not I have to stop and admit that no, I don't fully trust Him. Though I'd much rather say of "course I do!" I would be lying and what's the point in lying to God? Trust. Not a good word for me. Kinda like beautiful.
The past four years I've loathed the word beautiful, for good reason..or so I've tried to justify. But the bottom line is it's kept me from growing, from receiving the love that God wants to give me. The wall goes up when I hear that word, though lately I've been working really hard at not doing that..writting for another time. So, this morning I sat on my bed and had to admit, once again, "I still don't trust You."
I pray for my friends, for growth to happen in their life, but it's in ways I think it should happen. I don't trust God to do it correctly. I pray for my kids to grow into healthy adults, but it's how I think that should look. I don't trust God to raise them correctly. I pray for my church to become God's vessel, but it's with ideas that I have. I don't trust God to use us fully.
I stay behind my wall of safety because there I'm in control, there I'm comfortable. There, trust is not needed. Not trusting is looking at Carla. Trusting is replacing Carla with God.
This morning I admitted all of this, out loud, to my Creator. I cried and I said aloud "please help my unbelief". Clairty also means seeing God more clearly, not for what He can do but for who He is. I want to trust God not because he's proven trustworthy to me, but because I believe He is who He says He is; I believe God is good, I believe God loves me, I believe God is trust. God. Is. Trust.
The past four years I've loathed the word beautiful, for good reason..or so I've tried to justify. But the bottom line is it's kept me from growing, from receiving the love that God wants to give me. The wall goes up when I hear that word, though lately I've been working really hard at not doing that..writting for another time. So, this morning I sat on my bed and had to admit, once again, "I still don't trust You."
I pray for my friends, for growth to happen in their life, but it's in ways I think it should happen. I don't trust God to do it correctly. I pray for my kids to grow into healthy adults, but it's how I think that should look. I don't trust God to raise them correctly. I pray for my church to become God's vessel, but it's with ideas that I have. I don't trust God to use us fully.
I stay behind my wall of safety because there I'm in control, there I'm comfortable. There, trust is not needed. Not trusting is looking at Carla. Trusting is replacing Carla with God.
This morning I admitted all of this, out loud, to my Creator. I cried and I said aloud "please help my unbelief". Clairty also means seeing God more clearly, not for what He can do but for who He is. I want to trust God not because he's proven trustworthy to me, but because I believe He is who He says He is; I believe God is good, I believe God loves me, I believe God is trust. God. Is. Trust.
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