How donations work

VM has been around for 2 years now. Two whole years! I'm impressed by God's faithfulness, He told me He would provide and He has. He also told me I'd live on donations to the ministry. I have. So many have been generous in giving to VM, in listening to the prompting from God and then following through on that prompting, even when it seemed ridiculous.

But I know some have not donated because clarity hasn't come as to what exactly you're donating too. So, let me attempt to explain VM, even if you don't donate, you'll know what it is and why God created it.

There is a darkness that looms inside of us, we each have it until we call it to the light. That darkness is our secrets. We all have secrets. We all have things in our past that we fear others will find out. We all, at some point, have secrets we don't even acknowledge before God out of fear of what He'll say or do.

My focus has become helping us begin to say out loud what those secrets are, shed light on the darkness inside us, and reach fully out to God. If we talk about it, we aren't victim to it. If we ask God to help us, we will experience healing.

God has gifted me with communication skills that come out in the form or public speaking, one-on-one talking, writing and teaching. I would also say I have the gift of making others cry, but I don't think that's a real "gift". We get real very fast. That is solely the power of the Holy Spirit.

So, what you're donating to is allowing this ministry to be my full time job. And because it's my full time job I'm flexible in when I can meet clients for life coaching, I have time to work on my talks and next writing project (a book on dating as a Christian Mom). Working for VM full time also means I can be free in the evenings to be mom, and as a single mom multiple jobs just doesn't cut it. There is one other aspect to your donations and that is the money allows me to not HAVE to charge clients for life coaching. There's a lot of people that don't get help simply because they don't have enough money to pay the bills AND buy food, let alone pay for someone like me. I was one of those people and it was the donations of others to pay for me that got me help...I would even say saved my life.

Please prayerfully consider donating monthly to VM. This link will take you to my paypal account. Any and all amounts count, so whether it's $5 or $500 God will multiple it to become what's needed in order to make VM successful so we are no longer living under the weight of our secrets.

For tax information--I have filed the paperwork to receive a 501(c)3 which, once approved, will give me the tax information necessary for your donations to be tax deductible. Any donations made until this comes will still be able to be applied--all donations are tax deductible.

If you have any further questions I'm here to chat!

Thanks for allowing God to use you so others can be helped!! See how God works?! We're all in it together.

Carla

have some fun

I have been asked plenty over the years what I like to do for fun--the answers have been wide ranged, including saying nothing. For a girl who loves to have fun, fun is something that doesn't always come easily to me. Not the good kind of fun anyway.

So, I've challenged myself over the past few months to pay attention to the fun side of life. What do I like to do? What can I do? What would be fun? And here's what I've come up with:

Having a day off. A WHOLE day off. A day that I do whatever I want to do and nothing that I don't want to do. I have not done this in the past, not on a consistent basis, because it seemed so selfish to me and we parents know there's no room for selfish when you're raising future adults...especially if your a single parent.

Well, here's the deal, when I take that day off (which is on Monday's by the way) I am more productive in my work, calmer as a parent, and better able to handle the curve balls life continuously hurls at me. The lie that "I can't afford to take a day off" is exactly that--a lie. You don't think you can because you never do therefore you have no idea if you can or cannot.

Some things I DO on my day off...watch Matlock (because it's not trashy, requires no thinking on my part, and we have limited tv channels), play on Pinterest (I'm actually glad I caved, there's really cool stuff on there), read a book (fiction), sit outside (doing nothing, just sit out there and soak in the fresh air).

Some things I DON'T do on my day off....anything that I feel is a must throughout the week, like laundry or cooking or cleaning or mowing the yard. I do them ONLY if I want to, otherwise the kids know it's fend for yourself all day long.

I don't feel guilty about my day off because as I said, I'm better the rest of the week. I don't let others try to make me feel guilty (the famous "it must be nice to have a day off") after all you choose to not take time off. And I don't stop being a Christ follower on my day off.

The lesson learned: God was on to something when He made the Sabbath a commandment.

Five Years

I remember reading a blog that marked a one year anniversary for a woman I did not know, but we shared a common experience. The blog for her was a victory. For me it was overwhelming.

"One year! I can't do a whole year of this! I'm not going to survive a whole year!" those were words I gasped into the phone through tears as I tried to explain to my sister I didn't see this blog as anything good for me.

Today my blog post is five years. This day is my five year anniversary of an experience that forever changed my life, changed me. Satan hurled himself at me and I must admit, he nearly won.

But he didn't win.

So, in honor of my five year anniversary I'm going to share with you 5 lessons I've learned...as my way to remind Satan (and myself) that not only did he not win, I'm actually BETTER than I've ever been!

1. Even when you can't feel God, God is there.
2. Some wounds linger way too long. 
3. Only when you stop fighting can you be saved.
4. Counseling sucks. For a long time. And then doesn't.
5. Being a survivor of rape is not my identity, it's just a part of my story.


It's been a long five years, filled with tears, questions, and yes filled with fear. But it's also been a wonderful five years filled with accomplishments, laughter, and amazement. So, on this five year anniversary I am on the radio talking to LOTS of people about the victories that have come from that one event, victories that will last into eternity which is totally awesome when you consider Satan just had the one night and God has ALL nights to come. I am happy, I am healthy and I am OK.

Here's to five more years, may they just get better and bigger and bolder.

Taking naps

What do you do when you're stressed? What's the first thing you turn to when life gets that "out of control" feeling? Anything short of turning to God isn't good for us. Whatever it is that you turn to, that's the thing you must over come. For me...sleeping. I LOVE to take naps. Why? Because I stop thinking. I'm snuggled in my bed, the heaviness of the blankets on top of me, the coolness of the pillow under my head...I love sleeping.

This week I've been doing a lot of self reflection. That can be good. It is good. But it's also grounds for needing to escape sleep. Right now, in this very moment, I want to take a nap. The battle within myself is this:
Just an hour, what will that hurt? you can't nap right now, you have work to do.
But I'm so sleepy and I would feel much better if I just took a nap. stop being lazy.
FINE! the truth is I'm tired of thinking about all of this and I'm tired of reading and I'm tired of putting in effort. Please just let me shut down!

Whatever we are focusing on is what screams the loudest. When you spend your whole day saying "I'm not going to eat that cake that's in the kitchen" what are you doing? Focusing on the cake in the kitchen. And then what happens? You cave, eat the cake then spend the rest of the evening feeling guilty and telling yourself tomorrow you'll do way better.

Some will say "You just have to fight it. Have stronger will power". Sheer will power. I hate that phrase. It's deceiving and sets you up to feel like a failure. When you go on "sheer will power" you will eventually get tired and then you'll go completely overboard on whatever it is you're willing against. Because we're not designed to do anything on "sheer will power"! If we were we wouldn't need Jesus. I certainly need Jesus...on my own, well I take lots of naps.

Right now, in this very moment stop trying to do it on your own or working up enough will power. Right now admit your weakness (that thing you turn to) and then...go do something else, like, um, listen to Christian music, or go for a walk, or write a poem, or call a friend or--gasp--pray and tell God how much you need Him.

I'm refusing to take a nap today. Not because I'm strong. But because I want to be strong in Jesus more than I want to be brain dead in my bed.

we're THAT kind of family

Several weeks ago Erica brought home a plant. Ok, it was dirt but she swore there was a seed in there and it would turn into a plant. She dumped the dirt into a plastic cup and splashed it a few times with water. Over the next several days she would pour a few drops of water into the dirt. One day I found her in the bathroom, cup in one hand, and an obvious seed with sprouts in the other.

Me: What are you doing?!
Erica: Looking at my plant.
Me: Sis, you can't dig it up like that, you'll kill it.
Erica: Too late.

About a week ago I noticed a sprout coming up from the dirt. We had an obvious plant on our hands! She did it! She was growing a plant! I was so excited! As soon as she came home from school I met her at the door with the cup in hand:

Me: Look sis! Your plant is growing!
Erica: That's not my plant.
Me: Um, yes. Yes it is. See, it's right here.
Erica: No, my plant died.
Me: Then what is this?
Erica: That's a tree.

Apparently after Erica realized her plant was not going to survive her digging and reburial she decided to get a seed from outside to see if she could grow it.

Me: A tree huh. Why are we growing a tree?
Erica: Cause we're that kind of family Mom.

*I should inform you that this week I'll be spending time outside digging up trees that are growing in unwanted places, like along the fence. But by golly we're growing one in the plastic cup!  Irony at its best.

I will control

Sometimes I go to bed at night explaining to God that I KNOW He can make me skinny, that I can wake up in the morning and be skinny and it'd be a miracle and I would run around telling everyone about my "skinny miracle" just like people did when Jesus healed them. I go to bed smiling at the thought of waking up to my miracle. Then, I wake up and weigh myself and I've gained a pound.

Someone once told me they lay in bed with their arms stretched out saying "I am rich". This person felt that by doing that exercise you're "telling the universe you're open to money". This person is still far from rich.

Throughout our day we are reminded that we are not in control. Of anything. Which can bring a feeling of hopelessness. If we're not in control of anything then what's the point? Why even try?

BUT WE ARE IN CONTROL!!!!

I wake up having gained a pound because I ate cookie dough and pizza the day before. Yes, God could make me skinny. He most certainly could override my pizza and cookie dough episode. He could. And sometimes He works like that, giving us awesome miracles. But most of the time He says "I'll give you the strength to workout so you can lose the weight and the endurance to hang in there when you would rather sit down with a tub of cookie dough". We choose our behavior, our actions, our words...we choose. We try desperately to control our time and our kids and our email and our spouse and the lives of those around us. We all say "I'm a control freak", as if that makes it ok. We also admit our controlling things doesn't work out very well. Then we throw our hands up and storm off.

BUT WE ARE IN CONTROL!!!

I control what I eat and how much. I control whether or not I exercise or sit on the couch. I control how I spend my money. I control what I say, how I respond, whether or not I will give in to the mood looming over me. God graciously gave us free will...that can be the end of us or the beginning and each day we choose what that control will look like.

Just do it

I've struggled to write lately. At least, to write out loud for all to see. The book has been released, the website created and the word has been spread. Eyes that I do not know will be looking...and that makes me want to throw up. Every time I hear someone say "I bought your book" I start to shake. Having a ministry called Vulnerability might be hard to say and spell but it's certainly accurate with how I feel. VULNERABLE.

Writing is a great release for me. It's also most often how I hear from God. I write straight from my heart, good or bad I guess depending on how you view it. But always 100 percent heart. Knowing that more and more people are now reading my writing I want to stop, question everything I start to write and then shut the computer down and go eat some cookie dough. But, God has been encouraging me by allowing my path to cross with other writers who are in the same boat as me...raw honest and vulnerable writers.

Publishing a book, creating a website...steps I had to take. What are steps you need to take but aren't? Are you praying for God to show up big time in some area of life? Would you like to receive His blessings? Our refusing to obey a nudge we feel from Him holds back the full beauty of His shining in our lives. It's not that we don't experience God if we don't do X, it's that we don't FULLY experience God if we refuse to do whatever our next step is. Easier said than done. I know. But, I did it.

I took the step, I'm in the middle of it now, and I'm still alive. No one has egged my house, no one has posted on Facebook that I'm a horrible person, the town of Auburn has not called to ask me to move to a new town. I'm still the same me...just with a few more eyes watching. Take the step. Do the X. And then watch God do His thing!! It's kinda awesome, trust me.

 Hey look at that...I just wrote another blog post. Out loud. For you to read. :)