Day 13. That pesky word Obey

I struggle with the word obey. Ok, struggle isn't accurate enough. I loathe the word obey. I hate being told what to do, especially when I know I should do it and don't want to and then hear the "command" to do it--everything in me screams "NO!" I truly and deeply loathe being told what to do.

I haven't been a Christian as long as most of my friends, but from my observation, it doesn't seem to matter how long someone has been a Christian, no one likes the word obey. Humans just don't seem to do well with that word. I find it interesting that that is the word Jesus uses when linked to "if you love me..."  In John 14 he doesn't beat around the bush, he states "If you love me, obey my commandments."

I've been thinking lately about words/phrases my friends would use to describe me and one that keeps coming to mind is "not easily swayed." I think because I'm so outspoken about having boundaries and in many ways I would say that phrase is good, even necessary; but if I'm to go a step further and fully see what that phrase represents, it also means "Don't tell Carla what to do--you'll get the boot." Boundaries are vital to becoming a healthy functioning individual and part of boundaries means being able to say "No, I'm not going to do that." However, what must always be assessed is the motive behind the "no", the motive behind the "I'm not doing what you told me to do."

I want so desperately to be a person of integrity, to be a Christian who serves God well; a quick review of my journal and you'll see 100's of pages over the last 12 years with that theme. I WANT to be that person. I have continuously fallen short. I knew what to do and I chose to do something else, I chose to not obey--again and again.

About four years ago I wrote a piece similar to this only the concept was "loving God isn't linked to if I obey him" and very quickly I found myself engaged in conversation with my Pastor; he brought up this particular verse in John, pointing out that I was in fact wrong in what I had written and after a few email exchanges I took down the post. That's the one and only time I've had that experience--removing something because someone challenged me--it's also the only time my pastor has been so blunt in saying "You're wrong, you can't put that notion out there."

I take my gift of writing very seriously. I take with great humbleness the fact that people from 10 countries follow this writing...I take my representation of Christianity seriously. It has taken me way to long to finally get on board, to finally stop tripping over a single word, to finally understand the all to simple connection. It's taken way to long for me to lay my pride down and say "Because I DO love you, I WILL obey."

My hands are sweating as I type those words, because I've never been able to do it before so the broken part of me is whispering "You're setting yourself up for failure. You're setting them up for failure." But, John 14  also records Jesus saying "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart." I, on my own, I, Carla, cannot obey to simply obey. It's just not what I was taught to do, it's not who I want to be (frankly it seems weak to me). But because I believe in Jesus, I believe the bible to be truth, I believe God to be alive, I then also believe the things Jesus said. I, on my own, can't obey which is exactly why Jesus needed to come to this Earth--because obeying God is connected to loving God and in loving and obeying we find peace of mind and heart. I don't know about you, but this girl could use some peace of mind and heart!

It doesn't say it'll be easy. It doesn't say it'll make us popular. It does say Love=Obey=Peace.  It's all in the motive, remember ;)

Day 7. The Invitation

Today I’ve been laying around due to a sore back/neck so I took the opportunity to listen to a sermon series that came highly recommended—a series called The New Rules to Dating, Sex and Love by Andy Stanley. I was told about it a few days ago, but to be honest I wasn’t really all that thrilled to look it up; I’m a tad sour in the dating department. Dating just seems to be a big fat FAIL for me and frankly I’ve about had all I can take on the “how to’s” in dating. But, God has a way of getting what He wants and for me it often means some form of crippling till I cave—I’m stubborn like that. 

5 minutes 32 seconds. That’s how long it took me to say “Shamoly! This is amazing!”  From the very beginning something inside me stood at attention, something inside me said “Listen! This is for you!” And by the end of the series I had tears streaming down and running into the huge smile on my face as I could see how it’s all coming together. Occasionally, we can SEE God working and I can tell you with utmost certainty He’s working in very out loud ways lately in my life, bringing it all to surface today. And to think I could have missed it if it hadn’t been for that too quick of movement I made yesterday morning! Maybe getting older isn’t a “problem” after all! Ok, that last sentence is too much. I know. 

Dating. Sex. Love. I have talked countless hours to countless people about those three words, those three topics. I have a LOT of writing about them, I have said a LOT of prayers about them, and I have longed for all 3 of them to leave my life forever. Yes, I’ve contemplated becoming a nun—except, well…

A few years ago I studied for a whole year the word commitment. And today, it came full circle. At one point, in the series, Andy says “If you can’t uphold a commitment before you get married, what makes you think you’ll uphold it when you do get married?” I had to hit pause because I was literally weeping. My mind was flooded with so many moments that I had said one thing and done another, so many times I have said to God “I’m sorry, please forgive me” to only turn around and do that very thing again. I was sorry, I was. But I didn’t repent. I didn’t turn in the opposite direction and flee from that thing which I regretted, I just felt bad that I had done it—again. 

During the sermon on Sunday Pastor Bill said that when God calls us to do something, we should see it as an invitation to something better…as I sat there thinking about what God has asked me to do time and time again, I knew exactly what my invitation was and today, it smacked me in the face—you know, just in case I didn’t get it! Can it be that God’s invitation to something better starts off by saying “No more”?  Today, while laying in pain on the floor I saw it all come together and I knew it’s time to make a decision, it’s time to make a commitment and accept His invitation. As I said the words out loud “I accept your invitation” I felt a wave of peace wash over me and I knew in that moment I’d just taken another step towards the transformation of my life. 

Last November I felt this same invitation. I accepted…and then I went back on my word. And for the past year I’ve felt the twinge of regret—I was to take a year off of dating, I fell short. I tried to explain it away, but a commitment is a commitment and I failed to honor mine. God is gracious and is giving me another chance. Someday I will get married and when that day comes I will be able to say December 7, 2015 was the day I committed my life to becoming the person you are looking for, to becoming the person I know God made me to be and that includes my dating decisions—starting with a full year of no dating. 

I’ve never done this, ever.  A whole year of not a single date. I don’t know what to expect but I do know this much, peace comes when we align ourselves with God, with God’s will, and when we accept His invitation and commit our lives to Him. I want all of that FAR MORE than I want to be with any man, so tonight I share this moment with you for one reason—what is that thing you’re supposed to do, that commitment you’re supposed to make to line yourself up with God and receive His amazing peace?  

“O Jerusalem, may there be peace within your walls and prosperity in your palaces.” Psalm 122:7  His invitation is always to something better!

Every action

Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening-it is painful! But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

Every action, every decision we make has a consequence--it's either good or bad. We will either be impacting those around us in positive ways or we will be hurting those around us. But every single action, every single decision has a consequence.

When our actions are negative we must be disciplined for it and as it says in Hebrews, discipline is painful. I remember when I was 14 I wanted to date a guy that was 19, only the rule in the house was "he can't be more than two years older than you." Because I choose to ignore this rule and I insisted I knew better and dated him anyway my mom was left with no choice but to discipline me. I dug my heels in and kept doing what I wanted because I believed I knew better and I believed my mom was just being mean and didn't want me to be happy. As time went on my mom had to increase her discipline with me and let me just tell you it was PAINFUL...for us both.

We refer to God as our Heavenly Father and because that's what He is that means there are times he will give out a rule (like my mom did) and if we choose to disobey (because we think we know best or don't like the rule) we leave Him no choice but to discipline us. Notice it says discipline NOT punish. There's a major difference. Punishment is meant to simply make the person stop doing what they are doing. Discipline is meant to improve the person, take special note to the end of Hebrews 12:11 "...there will be a quiet harvest of RIGHT LIVING for those who are TRAINED in this way."  Discipline is meant to train, not hurt. Even though it does hurt, that's not the end goal.

What's going on in your life right now that has you saying "Wow that hurts, what's going on?"  I encourage you to step back and take an honest look at your actions lately, your words, your thoughts. Look at what connections there are between you and the consequences you are feeling. Then, turn to God and ask Him to show you what the better way of living is, the right way...so you can reap the harvest!