Day 13. That pesky word Obey

I struggle with the word obey. Ok, struggle isn't accurate enough. I loathe the word obey. I hate being told what to do, especially when I know I should do it and don't want to and then hear the "command" to do it--everything in me screams "NO!" I truly and deeply loathe being told what to do.

I haven't been a Christian as long as most of my friends, but from my observation, it doesn't seem to matter how long someone has been a Christian, no one likes the word obey. Humans just don't seem to do well with that word. I find it interesting that that is the word Jesus uses when linked to "if you love me..."  In John 14 he doesn't beat around the bush, he states "If you love me, obey my commandments."

I've been thinking lately about words/phrases my friends would use to describe me and one that keeps coming to mind is "not easily swayed." I think because I'm so outspoken about having boundaries and in many ways I would say that phrase is good, even necessary; but if I'm to go a step further and fully see what that phrase represents, it also means "Don't tell Carla what to do--you'll get the boot." Boundaries are vital to becoming a healthy functioning individual and part of boundaries means being able to say "No, I'm not going to do that." However, what must always be assessed is the motive behind the "no", the motive behind the "I'm not doing what you told me to do."

I want so desperately to be a person of integrity, to be a Christian who serves God well; a quick review of my journal and you'll see 100's of pages over the last 12 years with that theme. I WANT to be that person. I have continuously fallen short. I knew what to do and I chose to do something else, I chose to not obey--again and again.

About four years ago I wrote a piece similar to this only the concept was "loving God isn't linked to if I obey him" and very quickly I found myself engaged in conversation with my Pastor; he brought up this particular verse in John, pointing out that I was in fact wrong in what I had written and after a few email exchanges I took down the post. That's the one and only time I've had that experience--removing something because someone challenged me--it's also the only time my pastor has been so blunt in saying "You're wrong, you can't put that notion out there."

I take my gift of writing very seriously. I take with great humbleness the fact that people from 10 countries follow this writing...I take my representation of Christianity seriously. It has taken me way to long to finally get on board, to finally stop tripping over a single word, to finally understand the all to simple connection. It's taken way to long for me to lay my pride down and say "Because I DO love you, I WILL obey."

My hands are sweating as I type those words, because I've never been able to do it before so the broken part of me is whispering "You're setting yourself up for failure. You're setting them up for failure." But, John 14  also records Jesus saying "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart." I, on my own, I, Carla, cannot obey to simply obey. It's just not what I was taught to do, it's not who I want to be (frankly it seems weak to me). But because I believe in Jesus, I believe the bible to be truth, I believe God to be alive, I then also believe the things Jesus said. I, on my own, can't obey which is exactly why Jesus needed to come to this Earth--because obeying God is connected to loving God and in loving and obeying we find peace of mind and heart. I don't know about you, but this girl could use some peace of mind and heart!

It doesn't say it'll be easy. It doesn't say it'll make us popular. It does say Love=Obey=Peace.  It's all in the motive, remember ;)

Day 7. The Invitation

Today I’ve been laying around due to a sore back/neck so I took the opportunity to listen to a sermon series that came highly recommended—a series called The New Rules to Dating, Sex and Love by Andy Stanley. I was told about it a few days ago, but to be honest I wasn’t really all that thrilled to look it up; I’m a tad sour in the dating department. Dating just seems to be a big fat FAIL for me and frankly I’ve about had all I can take on the “how to’s” in dating. But, God has a way of getting what He wants and for me it often means some form of crippling till I cave—I’m stubborn like that. 

5 minutes 32 seconds. That’s how long it took me to say “Shamoly! This is amazing!”  From the very beginning something inside me stood at attention, something inside me said “Listen! This is for you!” And by the end of the series I had tears streaming down and running into the huge smile on my face as I could see how it’s all coming together. Occasionally, we can SEE God working and I can tell you with utmost certainty He’s working in very out loud ways lately in my life, bringing it all to surface today. And to think I could have missed it if it hadn’t been for that too quick of movement I made yesterday morning! Maybe getting older isn’t a “problem” after all! Ok, that last sentence is too much. I know. 

Dating. Sex. Love. I have talked countless hours to countless people about those three words, those three topics. I have a LOT of writing about them, I have said a LOT of prayers about them, and I have longed for all 3 of them to leave my life forever. Yes, I’ve contemplated becoming a nun—except, well…

A few years ago I studied for a whole year the word commitment. And today, it came full circle. At one point, in the series, Andy says “If you can’t uphold a commitment before you get married, what makes you think you’ll uphold it when you do get married?” I had to hit pause because I was literally weeping. My mind was flooded with so many moments that I had said one thing and done another, so many times I have said to God “I’m sorry, please forgive me” to only turn around and do that very thing again. I was sorry, I was. But I didn’t repent. I didn’t turn in the opposite direction and flee from that thing which I regretted, I just felt bad that I had done it—again. 

During the sermon on Sunday Pastor Bill said that when God calls us to do something, we should see it as an invitation to something better…as I sat there thinking about what God has asked me to do time and time again, I knew exactly what my invitation was and today, it smacked me in the face—you know, just in case I didn’t get it! Can it be that God’s invitation to something better starts off by saying “No more”?  Today, while laying in pain on the floor I saw it all come together and I knew it’s time to make a decision, it’s time to make a commitment and accept His invitation. As I said the words out loud “I accept your invitation” I felt a wave of peace wash over me and I knew in that moment I’d just taken another step towards the transformation of my life. 

Last November I felt this same invitation. I accepted…and then I went back on my word. And for the past year I’ve felt the twinge of regret—I was to take a year off of dating, I fell short. I tried to explain it away, but a commitment is a commitment and I failed to honor mine. God is gracious and is giving me another chance. Someday I will get married and when that day comes I will be able to say December 7, 2015 was the day I committed my life to becoming the person you are looking for, to becoming the person I know God made me to be and that includes my dating decisions—starting with a full year of no dating. 

I’ve never done this, ever.  A whole year of not a single date. I don’t know what to expect but I do know this much, peace comes when we align ourselves with God, with God’s will, and when we accept His invitation and commit our lives to Him. I want all of that FAR MORE than I want to be with any man, so tonight I share this moment with you for one reason—what is that thing you’re supposed to do, that commitment you’re supposed to make to line yourself up with God and receive His amazing peace?  

“O Jerusalem, may there be peace within your walls and prosperity in your palaces.” Psalm 122:7  His invitation is always to something better!

Our new family member

 We have a new family member, her name is Butterscotch and she is a 3 month old mini lop-eared bunny. We are not “bunny” type people, we are “dog” people, so it’s been a new experience all the way around.

My living room décor currently includes a red and white checkered vinyl table cloth with a small pet playpen, a medium size rabbit cage among the “human” living room décor. My oldest daughter said “We look like a farm, Mom!” and after seeing my expression she added “a classy farm though!” It’s true, we have a hint of farm going on, especially if you notice the random pieces of Timothy hay seen throughout the downstairs.

Since we aren’t well versed in rabbits I’ve been doing a lot of reading about them and I catch myself sitting and just watching her. “She has no idea how safe and loved she truly is” is a thought that came to me as I watched Butterscotch half sleep, her ears twitching at every noise as if she isn’t sure she can totally relax into the moment and doze off.

She has no idea.

Rabbits are timid by nature basically because they are prey to LOTS of animals—and humans. If a noise startles them, off they dart. If you try to hold them, off they dart. If they feel in any way they are in danger, off they dart. Butterscotch is not a wild bunny, she’s been held since birth and to say my daughter spoils her is an understatement. So, there’s part of Butterscotch that feels secure—she gets very excited when the playpen door is opened and will come right to you as if to say “hold me” but is probably trying to say “feed me” (boy rabbits eat a lot!); however, she’s still a rabbit and she still has a timid nature, although we have never hurt her she has times of darting from us.

She has no idea.

As Christians we have what we call “knowledge” because we read the Bible, we banter with others over various meanings, and we have access to the Holy Spirit. However, when you look at the behavior of most Christians we are acting as if WE have no idea. We allow God to get close, then we dart. We go to church, we pray, we do something nice for someone then—life gets messy, something doesn’t go the way we think it should, our heart gets hurt and we question God’s love and turn to something that will make us feel good in the moment. Rabbits dart out of fear, they seek shelter and try to hide when they feel threatened. Humans dart out of fear, they seek anything that will bring gratification so the wound is soothed.

If Butterscotch could lay down her rabbit nature, if she could truly understand how lucky she is to be our rabbit, she would sleep soundly and she would stop darting. If Christians (me mostly) could lay down our doubting nature so we could truly understand God’s love and all that entails we would step boldly and stop darting.

Butterscotch will never know, but we can most certainly know. One trust moment after another will lead us to deeper understanding so when something happens that causes us to hurt, we know we don't have to dart or self medicate, but instead we can keep our feet firmly planted and trust God will show up to be our protector.

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.”

I Do

"Commit everything you do to the LORD, trust Him and He will help you." Psalm 37:5

When I signed up to follow Jesus I had NO clue what I was getting myself into. Seriously. I thought I would say "Ok, God, I will give you my life (meaning I don't want to go to hell when I die) and He would "pour out his blessings upon me" and life would ROCK!

Life has rocked alright, back and forth and up and down kind of rocking!

Being a Christian, a person truly seeking God's will (not just trying to stay out hell) has been and continues to be the very hardest commitment I have ever made. My word for the 2014 is commitment and as one would correctly guess, my commitment on MANY levels has been tested but it always comes back to the very first question I ever had to answer--"Do you trust Me?"

I want so badly to answer instantly "OF COURSE!" but I would be lying if I did and God knows that. So, the process of gaining trust happened the moment I said "I do" to the One who created me. I married God on the side of a road back in 2002; I pulled over as I couldn't see through the tears and I utter the words "I need you, please have me" and in that moment I committed my life to a man I cannot see, a hug I cannot feel and a leader I struggle to trust. I have wavered in all of that at times, I have doubted if it's all really worth it but each time I conclude the same thought--there can be no other way.

For me to learn trust, to learn commitment I have to go through trial after trial after trial. I'm stubborn like that I suppose, but God loves me enough to say "ok, let's try again" and another wave crashes over me that forces me to my knees and I must have another moment of saying "i do."


I have been devoted to God in my own rocky and twisted sort of way for 12 years now and I can honestly tell you the blessings do pour out, the love does flow, and the commitment continues to gain strength. Stay the course friends and trust me when I tell you it's ALL worth it.

You're Next

I remember being in high school and going to talks that were held in the gym, they were meant to be inspirational talks, but I used that time to sit with my boyfriend, holding hands, and whispering about the upcoming party. I can't recall a single speaker let alone any impact they had on my life. Those talks were free time from class, from school, from teachers.

This morning I talked with a friend about how to take her idea and branch it out, reach more of the next generation and in essence give them the very talks I tuned out, because now later in life I cling to those types of talks. I've thought about this conversation all day--how could the message be spun in a way that ears will not just hear, but hearts will grab onto, believe in, and become?

I'm quick to admit faults I've made with my children, not because I want to say "man I'm such a screw up" but because I believe lessons are learned in order to be taught. The older I've gotten, the older my children have gotten, and the more conversations I have with other the more I have come to realize WE ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Kids are smart. Really smart. So for us to stand in front of them and list off a bunch of "words to live by" is empty. If we stand in front of them and tell them all the things we did wrong, they will just assume "I will not be like you." And if we give them rules to obey because we think it'll help them make wiser choices, we've only created barriers between them and us. None of that stuff works...totally.

What do we need? What WILL work?

I received a Thank You note the other day from a girl who's in her early 20's, I've only met her once (5 months ago) and in her note she stated "thank you for taking the time to ask about my life, to care." What I learned in that Thank You note is this: By having one conversation of being intentional, pausing in the moment and truly being present, letting that person know I'm totally listening and I actually want you to share is worth far more than the list of books to read that will impact your life, the list of TedTalks to watch that will stretch your thinking, or the pep rallies to attend that will inspire you to become the next president of something.

Relationship.

It's all about relationship. I'm not talking about the type of relationship that requires constant attention. I'm talking about the fact that we are relational beings, we want to be heard, we want to know we matter. 

So, instead of complaining about the upcoming generation and all the things you see wrong with it, pause and invest; take the time to be relational. Instead of expecting everyone else to do the work for you, instead of feeling like there's nothing you can do, be active and intentional with those you come in contact with; because when it's all put together from pep rallies to check out lanes is when lives are changed.

I talked with that young lady over lunch and honestly I can't recall the conversation, but that moment wasn't about me, it was about her. I don't need to recall the conversation, God was present, doing His thing and I was the vessel He used (a prayer I pray often, let me be your vessel)

You're next. Be the vessel. Be present. Be relational.

Hurting Me Hurting You

It's so easy to get upset with someone when they hurt us. It's so easy to lash back at them when they wound us with their words or actions. It's so easy to be angry instead of doing the work to be better.

"Do what is right, not what is easy." That's a phrase I have said countless times over the years to my children, it's a phrase I believe deeply in and yet didn't understand until well into adulthood. It's a phrase that is far from comfortable, far from natural and certainly far from what society teaches us. It's the exact opposite of "Old Carla."

The other day someone said something to me and my feelings were instantly hurt. In reflecting back on that moment I realized that my instant reaction wasn't to lash out, to say "well, YOU..." nor was my instant reaction to turn and run. My instant reaction was to stay quiet and say a quick prayer of "God, help me."  While that person was spewing pain, I was able to remain calm and get us both through the moment with less wounding instead of more wounding...which is what would have happened if I had responded the way I used too, the way a part of me still wanted too.

When we hear things like "there is power in the name of Jesus" and "God changes us from the inside out" we are often quick to judge and quick to doubt. What kind of power? You haven't really changed all that much!  That's typically our heart's reaction. 

However... 

The power comes in those moments that we show strength, honor, dignity, maturity, and self control. The power is when we are given advice by our friends to basically bite back and yet we have a whisper inside us saying, "don't do that"....and we listen to the whisper. The power is when we can reflect and see growth.

Each time you are hurt, each time someone wounds you and you choose to not act on that wound but rather act out of the love in your heart THAT is the point of Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds."

It's one decision at a time, friends. Choose this time to follow the whisper, not the shout. Join me in allowing God to change us, to make us better; after all, hurting you because you hurt me leads to only more hurt.

Yahweh Shalom

"I just want some peace!"  How many times have we yelled that or at the very least thought that? Peace seems to be the universal unobtainable goal and yet we cry out for it through tears of exhaustion and feelings of being overwhelmed. How each person defines peace appears to be the only separation found in the cry.

We want peace from crying toddlers, peace from abusive spouses, peace from work deadlines, peace from crazy drivers, peace from bill collectors, peace peace peace JUST GIVE ME PEACE!

Yahweh Shalom. God IS peace.

This week I haven't felt much peace. Truth be told I haven't felt much peace in a while....at least not the peace I wanted. When I was crying out to God GIVE ME PEACE I meant the way I wanted it, through the circumstances I wanted, in the time I wanted. I was basically being the crying toddler to my heavenly Father.

If trials in life have taught me anything it's this--get on your knees and listen. And I did just that, multiple times this week, multiple times during this season of my crying out for peace.

Yahweh Shalom. GOD is peace.

Circumstances remain the same, people remain the same, and in the moment the light at the end of the tunnel can seem so so far away. We don't "feel" peace. While I was on my knees, listening with a desperate ear for God to ease my fears I kept hearing "I give you peace."  So, I got my bible out and looked up that phrase and found myself in the book of Judges and came upon this verse in chapter 6, "It's all right, the Lord replied. Do not be afraid. You will not die. And Gideon built an alter to the Lord there and named it "The LORD is peace." which in Hebrew is Yahweh Shalom.

God is PEACE.

Not a whole lot has happened externally to bring "peace" into my life. In fact, the cat puked on my laptop the other day and caught it on fire. Seriously. As a writer that's the worst vision to ever lay eyes upon. Peace was not something I felt. But God...but God has been faithful in reminding me that my peace lays in Him, my trust is in Him, and in Him I need not fear.

GOD IS PEACE.

So, if you're feeling overwhelmed with life, beaten down by yet another day's to do list, and tired of being tired I encourage you to get on your knees and just listen because God ALWAYS responds if with nothing more than "I give you peace." which, for the record, is all that's needed.

My friends

Part of my healing has been in the making of female friends. Growing up I had few, manly because girls are mean and usually untrustworthy. I learned to be guarded early on in life. Then as I entered adulthood I seemed to be going in one direction and the crowd was going in another. For a long period of time I had one good friend. One. Seriously.

I've heard the phrase "if you have one good friend count yourself fortunate" and though I understand the meaning I'm also saddened by this thought. Because I'm now on the other side and have many good friends. I feel more fortunate today than I have ever felt. Maybe fortunate isn't the right word...I feel more loved than I have ever felt. And today is a good example of why.

I have just announced on Facebook (because that's when it's official) that I have a boyfriend. My mom called, kinda freaking, because "you NEVER change your status!" I don't. Because no one has ever made it to this point. I know what I'm looking for and I refuse to settle for anything less, well I might settle for a brief moment but then the moment passes and I end the date. But this one. This one is different.

But I changed my status for another reason...

Because I have a lot of people in my life whom I consider to be close friends and trust their opinion and seek their advice. More importantly, I want them to share in my happiness of this moment. The cool part of having friends is not only are they there to chat with they are also there to be a mirror, help you maneuver this life AND share in those moments you've waited years for.

The observation my man made to me "you have a lot of friends that really love you"...yes I do. So, if you have just one good friend, consider yourself fortunate for there are some who never have that ONE, but shoot for many because the amount of love poured out is beyond fortunate, it's Blessed.

Memories Rock

When I was a little girl we lived with my grandparents for a short time. I don't remember a lot from that season of life, but I have flashes of moments that surface every now and then. Just now, as I was thinking about what to write my blog about today, this memory swept across my minds eye:

It's early in the morning and I'm sitting on my grandpa's lap. I can smell him, he smells clean and his face is freshly shaven. He is holding me tight as we snuggle in his big brown chair and then, he leans in to whisper in my ear, "you are loved Carla, you are loved."

I've not had this particular memory before. But right now, in this very moment, I can hear my grandpa's voice as clearly as if he were here--though he's been gone since I was 13.

It's so easy to get caught up in the trials of life. It's so easy to shift perspective and forget...we are loved. When I feel hurt, I feel fear, I feel disappointment I don't always feel love.

Today, friend, pause and readjust your perspective. Stop looking at the trials you are facing, stop thinking about the "what ifs" and stop trying to figure out how to fix it...simply stop. And remember. You. Are. Loved. you ARE loved. you are LOVED. YOU ARE LOVED.

Plan B?

There is no plan B. There is no person that can come along and fulfill what we miss, what we don’t do, what we screw up. There is no plan set in place for God to use in case we fail. Because God is sovereign and in that description we find God needs no plan B.

To imply there is a plan B, there is a plan in place for when we screw up, take the wrong path or refuse to obey is to imply God needs to work around us. That’s not the case at all. God doesn’t say “darn, he chose that path, I’ll have to work out my kingdom in a different way now” but rather God knew before time began he would choose that path and God had already set plans in motion to use that path to further advance His kingdom through that path, that choice in the moment.

So, it is not God that needs plan B. It’s not even really us that needs plan B. Sure God lays before us options, one of which is clearly the one He desires most saying “this one is what’s best for you” but in our free will we can say “no, I choose that one over there instead”. God simply says ok and off we go. Later, when we have enough experience on that chosen path to be able to look backward can we see how the other path would have been easier, more beneficial, equip us better then we see that God’s choice would have been much better.  That doesn’t mean, however, that God is now saying “well, great, now I must create a plan B since you didn’t follow the path I laid before you”. God says I knew this would be the path you would choose, I simply showed you the other one so that you can gain insight into why following my desires over yours is a better idea. The hope is that next time options are laid before us we will turn to God and say I choose the one You want, not the one I want.  Again, not because God’s work is dependent upon our choices, it is arrogant to think such things.

There is great temptation to look back over our life and ponder the times we turned left when we should have turned right. There is greater temptation to wonder what our life would be like if only we’d listened to His voice instead of the voice of momentary satisfaction. God is not about temptation. God is about redemption and restoration. You are breathing because God wants to love you AND work through you to love others. You cannot screw up God’s plans, no matter how far off the path you’ve been. You cannot force God to create a plan B. God is in control, regardless of how out of control life appears. God is in control regardless of how surrendered to Him you are. 

God’s plan, the only plan, is in place.