Monday, September 8, 2014
It can be so difficult to walk with an attitude of "I believe" when life is spinning out of control. I believe God is good. I believe God is in control. I believe God loves me. When we are only pushed a little bit we can still hold to those statements, but when the waterfall comes washing over us, when we feel like there's no letting up it can be so tempting to step ever so slightly to the left to get out from under the waterfall--and thus out from under God. Not that we would say "I'm not going to be a Christian any more" just more of "I'm uncertain if I believe all those statements because good and love and control feel awful painful right now."
When we are hurting, when we wonder how we're going to pay our bills, how we're going to console those we love who are hurting, how we're going to survive another wound to our heart it is extremely tempting to focus on the feelings alone. Feelings are so strong and so blinding.
God is with us all the time, but when we focus on our feelings and thus are blinded we cannot see God as clearly. He hasn't moved. He hasn't changed. We have.
It's not that we don't believe. We do. It's not that we won't keep pressing forward. We will. It's just that we long for the hurt to stop, the wounds to stop coming, the people to stop letting us down. And the whole "that won't happen until you get to heaven" bit only makes us long for heaven more and say things like "hurry up Jesus!" instead of enjoying the present moment. Our hearts scream "Good hurts!" and our tears are evidence of the sad truth we are still not in heaven.
I want to be the kind of Christian that is always positive, always faithful and always trusting. I want to be the kind of Christian that has no doubt, no fear, and no unbelief. I want to be in the middle of my hurt and with a smile on my face say "Life is good because I'm a Christian." That's what I want. And then, the waterfall starts and I forget what I want to be and I let myself be.
I need God for the simple truth of under the waterfall I am ugly, needy, wimpy, and a host of other non-attractive words. This world needs God because the waterfall of life is painful and painful people cause more pain. We need God because regardless of circumstances God is still good, still loving and still faithful. Free will gets in the way, the relationships end, the children turn, the job stops but God is shouting to us "I AM!" I am still with you, I am still working for your good, I am still looking to eternity, I AM!
Don't step out from under the pressure of the waterfall, step into your faith. Take a big breath, dig deep, friends. And stop allowing your feelings to control your day, your attitude, your mouth. That's what God is for!
Now, if only I took my own advice.