Monday, April 20, 2009

Some People Change

I had a conversation a few weeks back with my mom in a restaurant that was about God, later I was reflecting on that talk and realized that I talked out loud about God in a setting like that…something that five years ago would not have happened. But that day I did it, didn’t even think twice about it. Over the years God has become such a part of my life, the center of my life I guess, that now to talk about Him is normal. I have people in my life from all stages, some are life-long Christians, some are like me and have only been Christians for a short time, while others aren’t even sure they believe God is who He says He is. I love them all, regardless of where their faith lies not because I want to change them, but because it changed me.

In church on Sunday we sang a song that goes like this…don’t give up hope, some people change…all I could do was smile because I am proof of that. I went from not speaking to God, not stepping foot in a church to talking in a crowded restaurant about Him as if He were my best friend. I can’t tell you exactly when that happened but I can tell you I’m grateful it did…some people change.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

She's 12!!!!

Yesterday was Kaity bug's 12th birthday! I can't believe it!!! We had the best day together...went to Cheddars for lunch, shared a sandwich and then ate a monster cookie with ice cream! YUM! Then went shopping and she got a pedicure....she couldn't stop smiling...and then she had three friends come over for a party/sleepover. I loved watching her last night with her friends, laughing, playing, still seeing so much innocence yet seeing how she's growing up all in the same moment. My favorite story to tell of Kaity is when she was two years old and put a hole in our wall because she was so angry she had to be in time out, she rocked that bench until it made a's my favorite because I knew in that moment my daughter was going to grow up able to take care of herself, voice her opinion, and know exactly what she wants. And so far I'm right. :)

Today Kaity is a beautiful daughter of God who is overflowing with love and giggles. She adores life and all the little things that make it up. She will make you laugh, cry with you, and hold your hand. My daughter has a mind and will totally unique to her and is proud to tell you that. ;)

I don't know what she will do for a career when she's grown but I do know this...she will love passionately and any person lucky enough to experience it will be so very blessed! I'm honored to be her mom and to walk beside her, but please know I don't take credit for who she is...that is ALL God's doing, I'm just along for the ride.

To my totally rock!!

Till next time....


Have you ever been so sad that you just wanted to give up? Run away? End life? Have you thought to yourself “it will always be this way”? I have. I’ve had the darkest moment of my life, lying on the floor just wanting the pain to end. I’ve also talked to people who have been there, or are on their way there. If you’ve never felt that darkness know that it’s the scariest place to be…alone in a room full of people. Never do I want to go back to that place, never do I want to feel that lost again; that’s why I am still in counseling and that’s why I would encourage everyone to talk to someone…always!

We are all recovering from something in our life and we all will feel the storms of life…always. I have been blessed with the people in my life and was able to climb out of that hole; God picked me up and held me close. He wants to do that with all of us, if we’ll only let him. Last week I was upset with God wondering why He lets things happen, why He doesn’t stop us when we are about do something we shouldn’t. But it wouldn’t be true love if He stepped in, I know. Doesn’t make things any easier to deal with. Death sucks, lets just be honest. None of us are ever happy when someone dies. I hate funerals. I hate funerals that are unexpected. But what I really hate is feeling like I just can’t help, but then I’m reminded that it’s not my job to save you…in any capacity. What I CAN do…listen to you, be here for you, and encourage you to reach out the One who CAN help you…the rest is up to you.

This is dedicated Dave…you will be missed my friend, you will be missed.

Till next time.....

my bucket list

When I was 12 years old I told my dad that I wanted to join the Air Force and be a pilot. My dad had been in the Air Force so I thought this would make him happy, instead he informed me that his daughter would NOT be in the military. I told him I very much wanted to fly so he said to make that a goal to accomplish before I, that day my "list of things to do before I die" or better known now as the bucket list was born. I have added to the list over the years, not a lot of things but the ones on there are big..go to Australia for example...but never until now have I been able to cross one off.

I love to see God work in outrageous ways so that there is no question it was Him and it happened to me again the other night. I went to the church to pick up my son, and keep in mind I wasn't suppose to go that night at all, but I did and when I walked in I was told "you need to audition for that movie!" After a moment of disbelief I said absolutely and got in line! I have to pause right here and tell you my excitment was through the roof!! I couldn't believe ths was happening and at my church no less!! Number three on my list...audition for a movie..honestly!! As I sat in the hall waiting it was all I could think about, I was going to cross off an item on my list...for the first time! HOLY CRAP!!

Now let me tell you my acting background is sooo limited! LOL I have done some things at church that I'm proud of including making the audience cry thinking I was crying! Hehe It's a cool feeling to have someone come to you six weeks later still talking about your skit and how it impacted them. I love the idea of touching someone without them knowing how much of that was me and how much was just acting. Acting is safe for me, the stage is safe and well, I value safety. I can throw it all out and not worry about what you think of the character, because well it's a character! :) LOVE THAT!!!

So, I am proud to tell you that GOd once again worked in His outrageous way and helped me accomplish a life dream...I stayed in line and auditioned for the role! When I got in my car afterwards I cried and told God I didn't even care what happened with it, just the fact that I got to do it and was once again reminded just how big my God is made it all fantastic!

I have added something to the list IN a movie!! :)

Till next time...