Monday, June 28, 2010

Vulnerability Ministries

It's really happening. I'm really starting this ministry! Yesterday I got my first check towards the ministry, it was totally unexpected and I came home and cried as I opened the envelope. I've seen where people have their first dollar the business made up on their wall, well, I totally understand it now. There's something about that first one that comes in, makes your dream real and not just a vision in your head.

Today I opened a checking account in Vulnerability Ministries name....holy shamoly we have a checking account!! I've been able to share with people what I'm doing in the oddest places, like the gas station and waiting in line at Walmart! It's been amazing to see God working out loud and totally outrageous!

God is using my strengths but He is also using the strengths of others, bringing them alongside me for this new chapter in life. People are offering to help in amazing ways, giving their time and talents, sharing with me the joy it brings them to help's all total God and I'm truly just along for the ride.

On the outside it seems insane what I'm doing, not working and starting a ministry when I have three kids who eat A LOT and grow CONSTANTLY...but it seems that every time I turn around there is God, showing up, meeting our needs...again. My friend, God WANTS to bless us, He WANTS to give to us...we must first take a step of faith and go where we can't see the ground, trusting it'll be there when our foot hits the floor. Out loud and outrageous and even a little insane...that's my journey and we're just getting started!! Look out world cause Vulnerability Ministries is here!!

Till next time....

Friday, June 25, 2010

God has done well...

Tonight Tyler and Kaity came home from their dad's after being gone for a week. We split the summer and though in theory it seems great, I sure do miss them when they are gone. My kids are now at that perfect age of being able to have true conversations with them and I completely love hanging out with them.

I needed to go to the grocery tonight and Kaity wanted to come, there was a time when she didn't want to. She talked non-stop the whole time we were gone, filling me in on all kinds of things that are going on in her life. I couldn't help but remember when I was her age and how I use to do the exact same thing with my mom, grocery shopping was when I caught her up on my life...not sure why it works out that way, but it does. God did well with my kaity-bug.

Tyler has learned an entire blues song and is completely stoked about it. I could hear him playing when we left, and still playing when we came home. It's music to my ears to hear my son play...I'm so grateful he has that talent and wants to use it. God did well with him.

Erica has been fighting chickenpox all week and I must say she's gotten off easy! LOL Barely has them and they don't really even itch that much. I'm beyond grateful though, it could have been a very long week. Instead she's enjoyed the attention and enjoyed running naked in the house with pink dots all over her. Oh Miss E...God did well with truly make our family complete.

My kids are home, we're heading to my home tomorrow...all is right in the world. Fairmount reminds me to slow down and breathe, and my children remind me what truly matters in this life...God has done well indeed.

Till next time...

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Moments in the rain...

The storm is rolling in and Erica and I are snug in our home, with no need to leave any time soon. Sure I have things to do, that list never goes down, but there's no pressing need to leave the house. Instead, she's playing in her room, I'm working on my book and stuff for the ministry (cause I can't seem to do one thing at a time) and listening to the thunder roll in. Life is good.

I love thunderstorms; there's something sensual about them. I hung a comforter out this morning to dry after being washed and shortly after noticed the rain was coming, so went out to bring it in and a memory flooded my mind....suddenly it was a year ago and life was...different. It's funny how one small thing can trigger a wave of thoughts, almost like a home movie playing in my mind. I can remember the sound, the feel, the smell of that whole day. I can remember it all as if it happened last night, but it didn't, it happened a life time ago.

I feel as if each year I change so much that to look back a year ago seems like a life time ago. The last 6 years of my life have been nothing but full speed growth, moving ahead towards a better me. Not always moving forward mind you, I had my moments of backward and even sideways at times, but overall, forward was the name of the game. This morning though, this morning I had a moment of longing for the backward...just for one more lay in the rain and feel all that was around me.

And then I sit here, in the quiet of my house, realizing yet again just how totally cool my life life TODAY, in this very moment. I say it all the time but I truly mean life just keeps getting better. I'll have another moment in the rain, like I did last year, only I know this time it'll not be a memory made that I'll one day look back on with sadness. Moments in the rain....I think I'll add that to my list of things to do before I die....create fantastic, fun, and even romantic (someday) moments in the rain.

Till next time friends....

Monday, June 14, 2010

My soul

Tonight I am working on a chapter in what I hope becomes a book. I’ve dreamed of writing a book for years, actually I can’t remember not wanting to write. Writing is part of my soul, it’s the center of who I am. I write to focus myself, I write to express myself, I write to stretch myself. I love writing. If I could do nothing but write all day every day I think I’d be one very happy lady!

Next to writing my love is music. There’s something powerful about seeing your thoughts in black and white, however there’s something equally powerful in hearing melody, hearing those words in partner with the sound of notes. Piano is my favorite instrument to listen to; I miss playing it. I played as a child, quitting when it became difficult. There aren’t many things I’d change in my life but that decision is one. Today a piano sits in my house, rarely touched because I don’t know how to play and when I look at it I am saddened at what could have been if I’d just kept at it…

I have saved on my computer several different books I’ve started to write over the years, each capturing moments of time and bringing life to what lies in my heart. None of them have taken form to become true book material, but I know that within each there are parts that I will draw upon at some point. The thought of writing a book is overwhelming to me, it’s frightening actually. That’s why I’ve yet to do it I guess. Fear and yet I read it and wonder what could have been if I’d just kept at it…

My youngest has just come into my room, asking me to come tuck her into bed so we can pray together. Reality. As I walked down the hall to her room I was reminded of what truly matters and the gifts God has given to me. Writing, music, and children…my life. As I sit here writing these words I can’t help but thank God for the life I have, regardless of what could have been, life is good and I look forward to what will be…

Till next time friend...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Writers Block

I don't normally talk about having writers block because I've never really had it. Not in the sense of feeling the pressure to write and then starring at a blank screen because no words are forming in my mind. Normally my mind is swirling with words, writing comes naturally to me.

I'm told that I'm a good writer and that I speak to the heart when I write. I've learned to embrace that instead of brush it off or question if people really mean those words. I've learned to accept the gift God has given me and to begin to use it, out loud.

Today however I feel what must be writers block, or at least a version of it. My block isn't lack of words, it's lack of confidence. I know I'm a good writer and I know God has plenty to say through me, I also know what I'm getting ready to create will actually be read by others and I suddenly feel a huge sense of responsibility. It's the same feelings that has kept me from truly writing a book for all these years. I begin, I get a lot written, then I quit. Fear.

I wrote in my journal two nights ago I will not make decisions based on fear or doubt. I guess that includes my writing, huh. I started blogging a few years ago because I needed practice at letting others read my thoughts and now, the time has come to take the next step in writing. Compile the thoughts, expand on them, and create the book that's swelling inside me. I've stopped doing research on writing a book, I've stopped reading the opinions of others regarding this and I've committed that I will simply write it and let the chips fall where they may. Look out world, Carla's about to write...out loud.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The New Chapter

In the bible there's a verse that talks about following God and He'll make your paths straight...two weeks ago I decided that His idea of straight must not be the same as mine.

Exactly two weeks ago today I was fired from my job. Long story short I worked outside my scope of work...I apologize for none of what I did, but it did get me the boot. Guess there's a first time for everything right. I went home at noon that day, cried the whole way home. Cried most of the day and night. I felt like the path I was on just took a major left turn and I suddenly had no idea where I was going. :(

Exactly one week ago today my ole buddy Charlie Brown called and said we're taking a trip this weekend. Long story short we left Friday heading for Branson, MO, stayed till Monday. Left Monday for Memphis, TN then over to Nashville, TN and came home yesterday. Nearly two weeks ago I was fired and now I'm recovering from a 2000 mile journey that involved more laughing than I've done in a very long time, great conversations, and lots and lots of left turns that left us wondering where the heck are we!! :)

So, today I sit here, back at home, drinking coffee and having my dog lay sleeping/farting next to me. Reality. My reality new chapter in life.

New chapters can be very scary if we let them, I'm choosing to let it be filled with spontaneous moments and great friends wrapped around the heart of a God who says to me...I choose you.

Till next time...