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Sometimes my writing just flows without me putting much thought into it at all and other times I can't seem to find the words. I've needed to post this since Saturday only because if you are able to read it you are considered my friend and I know you'd want to know, but I just needed some time. I couldn't seem to bring myself to write it down. Not sure how's it's going to "flow" but....
Saturday I worked at the radio station, I so enjoy that job, but this day was different. I got a call at 2:15 from a hospital in Michigan telling me my daughter, Kaitlyn, had been involved in a drunk driving accident.
Let me pause here and tell you she's FINE.....
I have never been in a situation where my child was hurt and I wasn't there. I've never been five hours away and have someone say to me "we need permission that if the ct scan comes back and she has internal bleeding we need to operate without having to wait for you to get here." 5 hours. I was 5 hours away. That's all that was going through my head...FIVE HOURS!! I heard Kaity's voice and literally the room started to spin. My sweet Kaitybug. I told her I would come right away and get her, I heard her try and gain composure as she said "Mom, I'm fine." And she is. Not a scratch, broken bone, nothing. She's fine.
I cried most of the day Saturday and everytime I hear her voice I hang up with tears coming down my face. The police said if they had been in a different vehicle we would be having a different conversation. More tears. More spinning.
Sometimes being a Christian so very hard and then....."we would be having a different conversation".....in the blink of an eye.....we are not lucky, we are protected.
Till next time...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Today is Father's Day so it only seems fiting to write about fathers. I went to Fairmount last night with my kids; we spent the night at my dad's house and then this morning we went to church with Dad and Allison. It was a great day!
If you are around me for very long you know two facts about me, I take parenting very seriously (some will tell you I'm too hard on them and myself for that matter) and I have two Dad's. I grew up without my parents being together, but from that another bond formed and gave me another Dad. I too am now divorced and experience what it's like to have my kids leave to go visit the other parent, it's a void that you can only understand if you've experienced it. I've also been a step-parent and now understand what it's like to love a child that is not your own, to struggle with finding your place in this new family. Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is very hard, and being a step parent in many ways tops it all.
I have several guys in my life who are dad's, some are better at it than others. I have heard their struggles, seen their tears, and I know without a doubt they love their kids very very much. I have often said it only takes sperm to be a father...being a dad is so much more. I'm not sure why God allows some of us to be parents and others never experience what it's like to hear them say I love you for the first time. I'm not sure why some take parenting seriously and others are still too wraped up in their own personal satisfaction to be a parent at all. What I am sure of...
We only get one shot at this life, there is no plan B. Our children will not stay young forever and one day, when they are grown, we will have to look them in the eye and account for why we raised them the way we did. Today, after church, on our way back to my dad's it was just Tyler and I in the car and this is what I said "Bud, when you grow up and have kids of your own remember that you are not raising kids, you are raising future adults. Think about what you want them to think of you when they are grown and looking back on their childhood, what do you want them to say about you? Your job is to raise them, to teach them, to guide them. But above all, your job is to be there...to be a Dad" I believe that with all my heart. If we do nothing else right while on this earth I pray that we get that....step up to the plate and be a parent, a true parent!
If you are not a dad on this Father's Day know this...they are still watching you. Just because they don't call you dad, you influence them...I promise. Our job is to raise the next generation to be better than ours...all of us have that responsibility.
Happy Fathers Day Dad's...I love you.
If you are around me for very long you know two facts about me, I take parenting very seriously (some will tell you I'm too hard on them and myself for that matter) and I have two Dad's. I grew up without my parents being together, but from that another bond formed and gave me another Dad. I too am now divorced and experience what it's like to have my kids leave to go visit the other parent, it's a void that you can only understand if you've experienced it. I've also been a step-parent and now understand what it's like to love a child that is not your own, to struggle with finding your place in this new family. Being a parent is hard, being a single parent is very hard, and being a step parent in many ways tops it all.
I have several guys in my life who are dad's, some are better at it than others. I have heard their struggles, seen their tears, and I know without a doubt they love their kids very very much. I have often said it only takes sperm to be a father...being a dad is so much more. I'm not sure why God allows some of us to be parents and others never experience what it's like to hear them say I love you for the first time. I'm not sure why some take parenting seriously and others are still too wraped up in their own personal satisfaction to be a parent at all. What I am sure of...
We only get one shot at this life, there is no plan B. Our children will not stay young forever and one day, when they are grown, we will have to look them in the eye and account for why we raised them the way we did. Today, after church, on our way back to my dad's it was just Tyler and I in the car and this is what I said "Bud, when you grow up and have kids of your own remember that you are not raising kids, you are raising future adults. Think about what you want them to think of you when they are grown and looking back on their childhood, what do you want them to say about you? Your job is to raise them, to teach them, to guide them. But above all, your job is to be there...to be a Dad" I believe that with all my heart. If we do nothing else right while on this earth I pray that we get that....step up to the plate and be a parent, a true parent!
If you are not a dad on this Father's Day know this...they are still watching you. Just because they don't call you dad, you influence them...I promise. Our job is to raise the next generation to be better than ours...all of us have that responsibility.
Happy Fathers Day Dad's...I love you.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I Long
The cool thing about writing is it can mean one thing to the writer and something else to the reader...I write about love, but at times it's not the way most think for I know I am loved and I am absolutely content in that, I write about love because love is beautiful to write about.
So, here's a poem I wrote over a year ago...
To rush home at the end of the day simply because you are waiting….
To feel overwhelmed when your breath blows across my skin…
To wait with anticipation as you have me close my eyes…
I long.
To know I am safe, loved, whole…
To know I am accepted just I am, want to be, should be…
To know you need me in ways you need no other…
I long.
The sun rises and I see you face…
The sun sets and I see your face…
Tomorrow comes simply to see your face…
I long.
I have wondered this land. In search of perfect love. I have tasted honey on the lips of lovers in the silence and I have tasted pain in the screams of tears. I need more than I care to admit, I am softer than I’ll ever admit, and at the dawn of a new day I will try so hard to not walk away. Life can be full of trials, valleys really, and from the safety of my own skin I long to see the sky. Take my hand, lead me to light, and kiss my forehead as we say goodnight.
I long.
Till next time....
So, here's a poem I wrote over a year ago...
To rush home at the end of the day simply because you are waiting….
To feel overwhelmed when your breath blows across my skin…
To wait with anticipation as you have me close my eyes…
I long.
To know I am safe, loved, whole…
To know I am accepted just I am, want to be, should be…
To know you need me in ways you need no other…
I long.
The sun rises and I see you face…
The sun sets and I see your face…
Tomorrow comes simply to see your face…
I long.
I have wondered this land. In search of perfect love. I have tasted honey on the lips of lovers in the silence and I have tasted pain in the screams of tears. I need more than I care to admit, I am softer than I’ll ever admit, and at the dawn of a new day I will try so hard to not walk away. Life can be full of trials, valleys really, and from the safety of my own skin I long to see the sky. Take my hand, lead me to light, and kiss my forehead as we say goodnight.
I long.
Till next time....
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Small Groups
Today I hosted a party for my small group from church. I have been with my small group for nearly four years now, how fast time flies! They have been with me through some of my best and worst moments, and each time they stood by me. I am the only one single in my small group and some of them have kids close to my age. We are at very different points in life, but that is what makes it such a wonderful group! It's funny how you go blindly into something and it turns out to be so much better than if you'd try to make it happen on your own.
I can't tell you everything I've learned from them (because some things are too hard to put into words), but I can tell you I'm a better person because of them. I've become more loving, more humble (yes, really), and I've learned more about marriage, relationships, and commitment. They have taught me to push myself, to be a better mom, and to trust in God even when it hurts. They have showered me with love, acceptance, and guidance and not once have they ever made me feel I didn't belong or my thoughts didn't matter...even in the times I challenged their beliefs or ideas.
I came into my group deeply wounded and deeply afraid, they simply loved me right where I was. They don't expect to be them, they expect me to be me. My hope is that everyone finds a small group like mine. A group of people you can cry with, laugh with, and be inspired by. A group of people you can be just you with.
This life is the only life we get, there is no plan B. Surround yourself with people that will help you embrace your future and recover from your past. There is a saying that goes "show me your friends and I'll show you your future"...oh how very true that is. If you look into your future and don't like what you see...start today changing that direction! Get up and start building those relationships...small groups rock!!
Till next time....
I can't tell you everything I've learned from them (because some things are too hard to put into words), but I can tell you I'm a better person because of them. I've become more loving, more humble (yes, really), and I've learned more about marriage, relationships, and commitment. They have taught me to push myself, to be a better mom, and to trust in God even when it hurts. They have showered me with love, acceptance, and guidance and not once have they ever made me feel I didn't belong or my thoughts didn't matter...even in the times I challenged their beliefs or ideas.
I came into my group deeply wounded and deeply afraid, they simply loved me right where I was. They don't expect to be them, they expect me to be me. My hope is that everyone finds a small group like mine. A group of people you can cry with, laugh with, and be inspired by. A group of people you can be just you with.
This life is the only life we get, there is no plan B. Surround yourself with people that will help you embrace your future and recover from your past. There is a saying that goes "show me your friends and I'll show you your future"...oh how very true that is. If you look into your future and don't like what you see...start today changing that direction! Get up and start building those relationships...small groups rock!!
Till next time....
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