My Destiny

Have you ever known you were getting ready to face something life changing? Have you ever felt the fork in the road, paused long enough to recognize the implications? Have you ever realized that today is going to change your life?

A large part of my life I floated through. I moved from one moment to the next without thought about how it truly and fully impacted me. I was busy running from the last moment, hoping the next would bring relief. It rarely did. I rarely escaped. I didn't have a plan, outside of get beyond today; I didn't have a direction, other than keep moving. I also didn't have a clue who I was or why I existed.

Yesterday I was watching videos on YouTube and saw Bono speaking about another artist, he said "Others are truly living simply because she fulfilled her destiny". I played that part over and over, crying.

The past four years I've changed drastically, to me the biggest part that has changed is I am no longer floating, moving from one moment to the next. I have figured out why I'm here and I've figured out what I'm supposed to be doing. I am fulfilling my destiny. I am. I don't say that with arrogance, I say it with a confidence that I've only gained in knowing my Creator. I'm right where I'm supposed to be...today.

Friends

I've prayed for years for someone to come into my life that would be a mentor to me, an accountability partner. I wanted someone that was wiser than me that I could learn from, someone that would love me for me yet push me to be better. Today I have several people that fit that role, one just recently crossed my path and all I can say is I only met her because of God.

I've prayed for a very long time for a man to come into my life, a man that would love me for me and yet be strong enough to lead me. Today I have several men in my life that love me, take care of me, and at times even lead me (even though I don't always like it). One has recently crossed my path and I'm pretty sure it's a total God thing, regardless of the ending.

I just got off the phone with my sister, Emily, we talked about friendships evolving, people changing. We also talked about being open to letting new people come into our life and trusting God to lead us. Over the years I have been blessed to know many people and each year that goes by I understand that blessing a little more. To each person I've ever called my friend, thank you. To each man that I've ever let close, I love you. And to those who are yet to come....welcome!

God is faithful to answer your prayer, you just have to be willing to wait and then be willing to see.

another reason...

I sat in church this morning listening to the team the went to Nicaragua share their experiences and couldn't help but think of when I went to the Dominican Republic earlier this year...the theme is the same, "I had no idea".

I get tired of trying to explain to people why you need to go to church, not that I don't want to talk about it I just don't want to argue about it. Church is something that some see as "organized religion" and use that as the excuse on why they don't need to go to church. Others don't feel "good enough" to attend church. And then there are those that say "you don't need to go to church to have a relationship with God". Sigh.

Excuses. That's what that is. And it makes me sad.

As I listened to how these people went to another country to share the message "you matter" all I could think was THIS IS WHY!! When you don't come to church you are robbing someone the blessing of knowing you, you are robbing God the opportunity to work through you and you are robbing yourself of leaving a deeper and wider imprint on this Earth.

Could you get hurt going to church by the people there? Yep. Could you get hurt by your own family? Yep. People suck. Daily. The difference is people that walk through church doors have the courage to say "it's not all about me". Refusing to go to church says "it's all about me".

Come to church, lay down your excuses, open your heart. It's not about you!

Our Father

I remember in elementary school going to "religion" class and in that class I learned to say THE prayer...it begins "Our Father, who art in Heaven..." and I remember thinking my dad isn't in heaven and why are we calling God Father, why aren't we calling him God? I also remember being in high school and going to campus life with my friend, she truly loved God and I...well, I got drunk on vodka.

Today is a day we celebrate Dad's, a day we pause to say "I love you and I'm grateful for you" to the man that gave us life but it's also a day for us to remember all the men in our life and to remember the One that gave us breath.

As I've grown as a Christian I've grown in all ares of my life, the main one I think being that I love deeper and I'm therefore more guarded of that love. Growing as a Christian also means an awareness of the fact that God didn't HAVE to make me and certainly doesn't HAVE to continue to let me breath. I was just saying the other day "it's a wonder I haven't been turned into a frog yet". The more I learn about myself the more I understand grace and the more I understand grace the more I love God.

If this Father's Day is hard for you, for whatever reason, then let me encourage you by saying this, I have never known unconditional love, deep and pure love, until I became a Christian so I challenge you, on this day, to reach out to one who knows you best, the one who simply, honestly, does just want to love you and let yourself begin to know our Father, who art in Heaven....

And to my dad's...I'm grateful for you and I love you

I love...

I've been made fun of plenty for how much I love coffee. But this morning, as I sit here at the kitchen table, preparing to write, I'm sipping on coffee and thinking "yep, I love it!" It's just how it is.

We throw the "love" word around a lot in our society. We either love something or hate something. We're quick to post of facebook when we have a new love and we're quick to post on facebook when we have a new enemy. I dislike both of those situations. Maybe I'm getting old.

Tomorrow is Father's Day, I'm lucky enough to have two men in my life that love me and let me call them Dad. There are plenty in this world that don't even have one dad...a good friend is burying his dad today, the eve of Fathers Day. I dislike that too. Maybe I'm too sentimental.

Something has changed in me over the years of following God. I've softened in ways I didn't expect. I'm beginning to understand "turn the other cheek" and I'm beginning to understand "the greatest of these is love"...there's a lot of country music that stems from the bible, just sayin.

I'm trying desperately to figure out this "life" thing, to figure out where I fit in all of it and to figure out how much of it is up to me and how much isn't. I'm also trying desperately to raise my kids with a shield of wisdom, not life experience wisdom, but God wisdom. As a person on this earth I don't believe we are here to merely exist, to simply suck in air. I don't believe we are here to earn stuff, get ahead, or even to remind the world just how much we've been hurt. As a person that was created by a being that loves us beyond our imagination, we are here to simply love Him back, love His people back, and leave this earth better than if we'd not been here. The rest, well that's icing on the cake if you ask me....but then again, I'm old, sentimental, and love country music and coffee.

our home

When you come to our house and use the main bathroom you'll find writing all over the walls. Each morning when I go to shower I pause and look around at all the writing; people have written notes of encouragement, signed their names, wrote inspirational quotes, and left funny drawings. It's a moment of being able to see in a snap shot all the people that love us. I love our bathroom walls.

The girls are changing bedrooms, they are currently in Erica's room painting it...it will now become Kaity's room and she needs it to be green. Tyler has decided he wants to paint his room too; he's just announced he wants to write inspirational quotes all over his walls. He apparently loves the bathroom walls too.

We rent this house, it doesn't belong to us. I'm unsure how long we will live here, but I'm certain it won't be forever. Over the years we have moved more times than I care to stop and count right now, I've worked hard to slow that down. I'm ready to settle down, to stay unpacked, to have the bathroom walls not change.

Right now I am sitting in the back part of the house, my favorite room, and I can hear the kids all laughing and talking and competing for who's music will be louder. All is right in our home right now. The walls don't belong to us, but we have certainly made this our home and when we move, whenever that will be, we will make those walls ours too for where ever we are there is our home. And we'll write on those bathroom walls too.

wrong turn

Do I believe in soul mates? That question was posed to me last night and I quickly said no way! Cause if I have chosen wrong then that means someone else had to choose wrong and I would have messed the whole world up. But then, tonight it occurred to me some where along the way I might have taken a wrong turn, turned left when I should have turned right. Soul mates? What if you took a wrong turn?

My kids are starting to enter the world of dating, it's only going to get more serious from here. They will experience heart break, butterflies, kisses, and loneliness. I want so much for them, but more than anything I want them to live a life with no regrets, yet tonight I'm not sure that can happen. Life, no matter how careful you are, will have some wrong turns.


We make decisions that we think are right, we live a life we think is good but how do we ever really know? And when clarity does come, what do you do with it? Wrong turns can't be made right can they?

I still don't know if I believe in the idea of soul mates. What I do know is there was a moment when I clearly turned the wrong direction, but that moment has passed and life has gone on. I just hope it doesn't happen again. Wrong turns suck.

The road i'm on

The road we are on is not paved with smoothness, no it is rocky and uneven. The road we are on is not meant to make us "feel" good, but rather make us good. The road we are is not for us, but for Him.

Today I announced that I no longer think it is the devil trying to cause trouble in my life lately, no instead I think it is God trying to test me, push me, help me grow. After all, I asked for that to happen; I pray continuously for God to use me, to help me be more like Him, to get rid of the old me. And yet when He starts doing it I'm quick to say "get thee behind me Satan". Sigh, I have so much to learn.

The lesson...look in the mirror. Interesting how God lays upon ones heart to talk to others about the very thing He's going to take that person through. Mirrors, something we look into in order to make sure we look "good", to make sure the outside is presentable. But the mirror God has been using, it's looking inside, past the surface and right into the heart. The mirror is also looking into the hearts of others, looking past their surface as well.

A mirror can wound just a much as a word. A mirror can help just as much as a word.

God's love is unconditional, regardless of how I feel. His love never depends on the reflection in the mirror, it simply just exists. Maybe, just maybe, God is holding the mirror for ME to see HIM; maybe it's not about "look at how ugly you're being right now; your inside doesn't match your outside" maybe what it's really about is for the reflection of unconditional love to be seen in a way that breaks through the wounds, breaks through the exhaustion, breaks through the tears and fear. Maybe, just maybe the mirror isn't bad after all.

The road I am on consists of twists and turns and going the wrong way down the road. The road I am on is filled with unknown, unexplainable, and outrageous God. As I often say, and often forget, it's all about perspective. Tonight the perspective has shifted from "it just keeps coming at me" to "praise God for testing for that is what grows my character and godly character is all I'm really after any way".