Flowers in the Desert

Someone asked me the other day what's happening in my ministry, my response was "not a whole lot right now." But God has been quick to step in and recall what the last year has been like for me...

I started this ministry one year ago, officially. The summer was filled with outrageous God moments that had my head spinning! In August I started in grad school. Life was grand. In Oct I learned of a situation that set everything spinning out of control and by December I felt like I was breaking. I left grad school and came close to leaving everything, even quitting God...I had entered the desert.

In January I went to the Dominican Republic (a trip planned four months prior) on a women's missions trip and spoke to over 200 women about breaking from the cycle of victim...the flower in that desert.

In February, I ended a long time friendship and felt the dryness of the desert creeping back in again. It seemed that every area of my life was a battle and I wasn't sure if I was winning. In March my computer crashed; two months later I've made three more trips to best buy due to computer junk. As a writer, the desert was starting to swallow me.

I don't know if you've ever been to the desert; there's something powerful by seeing the vastness of dry land and something so moving when you see a flower blooming in the middle of all of that. But you have to search to find those flowers sometimes, they can be so easily overlooked in comparison to what's around it.


This last year has been a year of desert, a year testing and growing...sprinkled with flowers. So, if you ask me what's going on in my ministry now, chances are the answer will be much different, because a LOT has been going on! God is at work, raising flowers in the desert...long before we see the first bloom.

El Roi

I woke this morning to learn of a tornado that hit Joplin, MO. Watching the tv I saw image after image of complete destruction, listening as the reporter became overwhelmed with emotion and had to pause to regain composure several times. Just before watching the news I watched a program featuring another country and the effects of poverty and being uneducated on basic life skills that we tend to take for granted. As my kids yelled "BUS" I was crying from simply watching the television.

It's Monday, my long day of the week but also my day to be in church working. We often say "church is just a building; we are the church" and what I saw on tv rings so true of that. The church is needed in so many ways throughout this entire Earth, we are needed. I must admit though, I am looking forward to going into that building today simply because of what it represents.

Today,I can't leave and rush to MO to help those people through the emotional shock of last night. Today, I can't leave and travel to another country to help people learn they do not have to stay in bondage to their cycle of life. What I can do...work inside the walls of my church building and call upon the "God Who Sees", El Roi. Thank you God for teaching me yet another one of your names...for such a time as this.

Pray for me

My son hates country music. He says it's just songs about "I've lost my job, lost my wife, my dog is dead" so of course I make him listen to it in the car, just to prove he's wrong. However, that's not my point...my point is I think we sometimes disguise "feel sorry for me" moments in the form of prayer requests.



I have a dear friend who is dying of cancer, much to early in his life. Yet he doesn't flood my inbox with please pray for me, he doesn't fill out prayer request cards on Sunday mornings with this is my situation, and every single time I see him he asks how I'M doing and when I ask about how he is doing his answer "God is good".



I have another friend who has a situation that is very bad. It's been this way for years. And every time I talk to her it's the same story that begins with please pray for me and launches into how horrible other people are towards her. Please pray for me really means feel sorry for me.



We all have our "crappy" moments in life, some moments last longer than others and some moments are way worse than others. We all have things that we need to be prayed about, things that cause us to say please pray for me in this. I'm in no way saying we shouldn't ask for prayer request....I do it often. What I am saying is this,



Before the words "please pray for me" leave our lips, lets check our motives....is it so we can say "look how bad my life sucks" or is our motive purely to say "this issue in my life still needs prayer"? And if it's truly that you do just still need to know in an out loud way people are praying for you, then may just say it still sucks, keep on praying....



Actually, as I write those words what I feel in my heart is this: maybe a large part of why our "issue" hasn't changed is because we walk around going "it still sucks, keep praying" instead of "God is good, God is moving, everything God does is good"....maybe it's OUR attitudes that suck. I know sometimes I can't see God clearly because I'm so focused on the issue, so focused on poor me; shift the focus...taste and see that the Lord is good. Taste and see...pray for me yes, pray for all of us, but do it with thanksgiving, remembering first that the Lord is good!

What are you so afriad of?

I was listening to a song this morning about doing what you know you're made for, one of the lines says "Go ahead, what are you so afraid of?" The other day in conversation with a friend I said what if I write this book and it's good and then I'm expected to write more and nothing more comes? What if I succeed to a level that others deem me unacceptable of? Who do I think I am anyway?


Why do we do that? Why do we live in this constant state of fear...fear of what others think, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of the unknown, fear of what we do know....why do we as Christians allow our lives to be ruled by fear instead of truth?


When talking to others about their life I say all the right things, giving advice and encouragement and helping them not live in fear yet when it comes to my own life I can't seem to listen to myself. Why is it good for everyone else and not me? What am I SO afraid of?


Disappointment.


I've spent my whole life trying to make someone else proud, trying to earn the "good job" award and just when I think it's within reach I quit because what if it doesn't happen? What will I have then? Disappointment. So, let's not go the full race, let's go just enough to say I did it and then move on to the next thing before anyone says "hey wait a minute, you have more to do". Disappointment.


If I believe God's word, and I do, then I must also believe He has a plan for me....to bring me a hope and a future, not harm. I must also believe that trumps all those fears, trumps disappointment...after all, God says we are chosen and it's brought him great pleasure to call us his very own treasure. If I believe all that in my heart then apparently it's time to stop feeling that inside but not showing it outside. Does your heart line up with your life....words I've pondered all week.


Freedom in Christ has no room for disappointment or fear. Freedom in Christ has no room for going half the distance, for flying under the radar, for living according to what others "may" think. Freedom in Christ is just that, freedom IN Christ. Let's not do the "I'll start Monday" philosophy any more, let's stand up today and say right now, starting right now, I'm going to live outside like I know to be truth inside. What are you so afraid anyway? You've already been chosen and it is good!

Keep on keepin on

I've started to write several times over the last week, only to stop and click the discard button followed by a heavy sigh and walking away from the computer. It's just not been coming. As a writer I'm not sure there is anything more frustrating than not being able to write.

The whole truth though is I have been writing, it's just been a private conversation between God and myself. There's moments when I think ooo this will make a good blog entry but when I sit down to write it the feeling changes and I have nothing but a few words on the screen. I'm learning the balance between sharing and not sharing with regards to writing.

This week has been a very emotional week, on many levels. Actually it's been that way for many weeks (more than I probably even realize) but what makes this week different is I've had another light bulb moment in my relationship with God and in how I view life in general. Growing as a woman, as Christian, as a mom...it's draining, exciting, and more challenging than anything I've ever done.

To not reflect, to not try to do better, to remain stagnant well that's all much easier and in many ways more enticing. But, I don't believe we're created to remain the same, to not grow. I don't believe we're created for comfort either. We just happen to like comfort sometimes more than we like growth. Which is why we can't base life on how we feel.

When I die I don't want to be remembered as the one who made us laugh, the one who had so much fun in life, the one with the cool job. I don't. Sure those things are nice, but I don't want them to be my identity. When I die I want my children to say she actually showed what it means to have God at the center of your life. I want to be remembered as a woman that went through this life bending but never breaking, laughing but never ignoring, and getting but only because she was giving.

So, here's to writing...I will not stop. Here's to parenting...I will not run. Here's to my future...I will not miss it.

Keep on keepin on friends, you still have breath in you.

Flowers in the Desert

Someone asked me the other day what's happening in my ministry, my response was "not a whole lot right now." But God has been quick to step in and recall what the last year has been like for me...

I started this ministry one year ago, officially. The summer was filled with outrageous God moments that had my head spinning! In August I started in grad school. Life was grand. In Oct I learned of a situation that set everything spinning out of control and by December I felt like I was breaking. I left grad school and came close to leaving everything, even quitting God...I had entered the desert.

In January I went to the Dominican Republic (a trip planned four months prior) on a women's missions trip and spoke to over 200 women about breaking from the cycle of victim...the flower in that desert.

In February, I ended a long time friendship and felt the dryness of the desert creeping back in again. It seemed that every area of my life was a battle and I wasn't sure if I was winning. In March my computer crashed; two months later I've made three more trips to best buy due to computer junk. As a writer, the desert was starting to swallow me.

I don't know if you've ever been to the desert; there's something powerful by seeing the vastness of dry land and something so moving when you see a flower blooming in the middle of all of that. But you have to search to find those flowers sometimes, they can be so easily overlooked in comparison to what's around it.

This last year has been a year of desert, a year testing and growing...sprinkled with flowers. So, if you ask me what's going on in my ministry now, chances are the answer will be much different, because a LOT has been going on! God is at work, raising flowers in the desert...long before we see the first bloom.