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In a matter of two months I will be able to say I’ve been a
Mom for 20 years. TWENTY YEARS! It’s hard to believe that much time has passed
already. I no longer have a little boy, but rather a handsome young man who
towers over me at 6’5”. He has started his
adult life and I quickly learned that means a life independent of me. I’m proud
of my son for stepping out, taking a risk to move and start a life of his own,
but I would be lying if I said my heart doesn’t ache daily from the void I feel
of not being able to do things like hug him whenever I want.
Every time I begin to think about Mary, the mother of Jesus,
I often think about what it must have been like for her to watch Jesus go off to
start his ministry, not seeing him regularly, and then to watch him not just
die, but die a brutal death in front of her very eyes.
I have been fortunate to not know the pain of losing a child
to death; I know Moms that have and I can tell you, from watching them, that is
not a pain any of our hearts should have to ever endure. We have all had our
battles, we all walk this journey with scars, but the scar of burying your
child is one that stays fresh your whole life.
Mary was but a child herself when she became pregnant with
Jesus; I wasn't much older than she was when I became pregnant with my own son. I suppose that's why it’s always amazed me that her response was a heart of doing whatever
God wants. She was so in love with God, that she was willing to even believe
she’d become pregnant, as a virgin!
My son called the other day, needing to talk through a
situation in his life, and as I listened to him I wondered what kinds of
conversations we’ll be having in 10 years, 20 years, and so on. He’s just
getting started as an adult; so much will change as he encounters countless
situations. Jesus was 33 when he died, Mary had watched him grow into a man;
she saw him cry and heard him laugh. She watched him teach others and if she’s
anything like me as a mom, regardless of his age she always saw her little boy
when he looked at her.
Easter is fast approaching and that always seems to bring
conversation of “the ends times are near” and frankly they are because we’re
all going to die—but that’s not what I think about when I begin to think about
Easter. No, Easter always reminds me of Mary having to watch her son go from an
infant, to a man, to a life-less body hanging on a cross. This baby that came
to her as a true miracle was then taken, violently, and as a Mom I wonder, did
she lay at the foot of that cross, her heart shattered as Jesus died and wonder
“where is our miracle now, God?” Mary had large faith, but let us not forget
Mary was still human, still a real Mom—Mom’s are like wild bears when someone
hurts our child, but she could do nothing to save her boy.
As we make our Easter Day plans, it would behoove us to
spend more than a few passing moments to ponder the depth of Jesus dying for
us. Think about all parties involved during that period of time and reflect on
the true desire God must have for us if he’s willing to let His Son experience
death, if He’s willing to allow Mary to endure the heartache of losing HER
son—God must greatly love us because we parents don’t just sit idly by and not
protect our children when they are being harmed. And, for a moment, it appeared God sat on the sidelines.
Easter happened BECAUSE God did NOT sit idly by and watch
His Son die. Easter exists because God IS in control, God IS ruler over all and
Jesus did what no other man can do for us, He conquered death so that WE can
be given the chance to say to God, our
Father, I love you and I want to be with you forever.
My son is no longer under my roof; he no longer has to do
what I tell him to do including come see me. He must now choose whether or not
he wants a relationship with me. And because Jesus died, we have been given
that same freedom—because we are loved THAT much.
Mary’s heartache found a healing that, this side of heaven,
only Mary will understand because her son rose from the grave. We might not get
to experience that kind of miracle, but I take great comfort in knowing that my
heart aches will one day all be healed because, after all, for God so loved Carla that
he gave his one and only Son…
