And then...it ended

Things have been so good. We were doing SO good. And then...it ended. Just like that. It's over. I haven't heard from Kevin since Tuesday. I've called, I've text him. Nothing. He's back to drinking Beam and I'm guessing on a pretty regular basis. We talked Tuesday night about a fight that happened the previous Friday, he'd been drinking Beam then too. I pointed it out and he stood his ground, still saying he was right and the drinking had nothing to do with it. We both agreed it was best to just end the night so he kissed me and said I'll talk to you tomorrow...that's the last I've heard or see of him.

Drinking brings out the worst in him. Beam is Vodka...equally evil. He gave up Vodka, finally seeing it had control of his life and his life was very much out of control. Then switched to Beam saying it's not the same thing. It is. My last words to him...I don't like you when you drink that shit. I DON'T LIKE DRUNK YOU!

So, just like that it's over. No good bye. No let's try and work on it. Nothing. It's over. I'm not sure how I feel about it. We've played this game so many times over so many years that I'm frankly tired. I'm tired of the whole thing. I can honestly say we tried, we were working, and then the darkness of his mind became too much. I did my part though. I gave all that I am.

Actually that is what hurts, if anything of this hurts. It took me so long to get over him the last time...five years ago. It's been a long five years. But I did it. I finally had gotten to a place of contentment and joy. I had peace in my life and absolutely loved my life. He came back...I cautiously let him back in. He earned it....things were so good. But still I worried. I was careful. Then, finally, I started to lay the wall totally down. I need him. I trusted him. I let myself fully love him again. And now....damn him.

Till next time....