I want control

It seems to be a theme that God won't give up on...I'm not in control. It's a theme I loath if I'm to be honest and it's also a theme that covers every single area of my life.

I'm not in control of what my children say or do. I'm not in control of what others feel or say about me. I'm not in control of whether my influence really makes a difference in your life. I'm not in control of the driver next to me. I'm not in control of the woman who always seems to say hurtful things to me. I'm not in control of women healing and growing. I'm not in control of parents respecting their children, or even parenting them. I'm not even in control of me at times. I'm not in control of God's plans. I'm simply not in control.

I think we are fooling ourselves if we say we "have control of the situation" and I also think we are fooling ourselves if we say "it's out of my control". There's got to be a middle ground. There is.

The more I relinquish my control, the more controlled things become. It's not because God is controlling, it's because the path becomes less wide with less things that are out of control. But giving up control is hard. Letting someone else be in control is even harder. So we have to decide, sometimes moment to moment, who IS in control if it's not me?

I don't follow God because it's easy. I don't follow God because I have to. I don't follow God because it's the right thing to do. I don't follow God because someone says to. I follow God because I need to. Because I'm a control freak who hates the truth that I'm not in control and if I'm not in control then SOMEONE needs to be and there's not another being out there I trust more than God so.....I'm not in control, but God is...because I let him ;)