My Heart

I have been sitting in my chair starring at this computer for way to long waiting on something to write. I don't have writers block, it happens just not currently, I have control issues. I hear inside "write your heart" and I reply "not today give me something else". So, here I sit. Why do I continue to argue with God? It's not like I ever "win"!

My heart. Today I feel like I'm beginning to rise from a fog I've been in way to long, though I'm not fully out of it. The fog is my desire to fix. I want to fix others so they will be happy, healthy, whole. I want to fix others because when they hurt I hurt. I want to fix others because I know the pain that lies ahead of the decision they just made and I want to save them from it.

My heart. Too often I speak way to much. I go to far. I don't fully think out what needs to be said, saying only that part and throwing what I want to say out. Need vs want. Speak the truth in love, that's what I'm often told...I try to do that, I fall short though. Or do I?

Are we still speaking the truth in love if we make someone cry? If we say something that causes that prickly feeling inside? Are we speaking the truth in love if we draw the line in the sand? Are boundaries truth in love...when the other person begs you to change them? Or are we overbearing, uncaring, judgmental, harsh, and lacking compassion?

My heart. With me you always know where I stand, because I want to always know where you stand. But I'm learning that not everyone says where they stand in the same ways I do and that's ok. I'm learning that change is allowed, even ok. I'm learning that to love you doesn't mean accept their actions, it simply means love you through the action. And I'm learning that "fixing" just isn't going to happen in the ways I think it should.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people whom He deeply loves, you must clothe yourselves in tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12. My memory verse this week. My heart that God longs for me to have. My heart that I long to have.