Father's Day Past

It’s a few days late but, I wanted to pay tribute this Father’s Day to two men in my life that will forever leave an impact on my heart—my grandfathers.

My earliest memory of Grandpa Critser (my mom’s father) is the camp meeting in Anderson, IN. I remember the smell of the air, an aroma that had a hint of sweet to it. I remember he’d lean down during service and whisper “remember, ice cream after this.” But my favorite memory of camp meeting week was on the last night when the candles were passed out. The room would dim and one by one candles were lit across the auditorium, including mine. And then all together we’d raise our candles and all you could see was a sea of flickering lights. As a little girl it was an awesome experience to be part of.

My last memory of him is when we went to visit my grandparents just before he died. There was a moment when it was only he and I in the room and he took my hand and through tears said “Only God is more proud of you than me.” Many moments in the years since I’ve reflected on that special moment, my grandpa loved God deeply and is the only man to ever enter my life that made me feel utterly and unconditionally loved. I am so thankful God made Morris (Bud) Critser. I miss him more than I could possibly explain.

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My earliest memory of Grandpa Saathoff (my dad’s father) is riding on his lap as he mowed the pasture. I loved doing that! His arms were big and strong and he held me tightly as we’d make the turn to start the next lap. I also remember he’d never let me win playing checkers or battleship, when I’d start to cry he’d laugh and say “well, you could always try to beat me again” and we’d play another round. I never felt like he got tired of me; I never felt I was a burden to him. In years past, he was a confident man, proud to be an American, could fix anything and appeared to have no fear. In him I learned how a man should act.

My most recent memory is my dad and I having to help position him in bed because he’s too weak to do it himself. My heart is heavy because time is drawing to a close and I will one day not hear his voice. Last night I had a dream, he and I were riding on the tractor mowing a huge open field. We were laughing and his strong arms were once again wrapped around me. All was right in the world. I’m so thankful God made Glen Saathoff. I will forever draw upon the strength of the days past.

Father’s Day is a moment for us to pause

and give tribute to the men that are the reason we are alive.

If it wasn’t for my grandpa’s having my parents I wouldn’t be here

and I wouldn’t have had the privilege of knowing

the two finest men to ever cross my path.



What will others say?

Years ago I attended a funeral; she was my mom’s friend of many years. As I sat listening to various stories come from the front the large overflowing church I was overcome by the common theme in all the stories…she was a woman they longed to be. I remember leaving and thinking “I wonder if anyone would feel that way about me right now?”


Ask any parent if they are guilt free from their parenting of past days and they’ll laugh at you for being so silly to ask such a question. Ask any person who spewed harsh words in the moment if they regret doing so and they’ll give a look of “of course!” To say one can live regret-free or guilt-free is to imply that person never does anything wrong, never says anything wrong, never acts inappropriately and we all know that’s not possible.

My mom’s friend wasn’t perfect, I’m sure she had bad days and rough seasons of life. But it was clear to me the day of her funeral that her bad days didn’t define her, she didn’t allow them to become larger than who she was on the inside. Her legacy was a good one and that happened one good choice, one good word, one good action after another.

Today I encourage you to pause and reflect on your own life; what will people say about you at your funeral? I have thought about what kind of person I want to be for a long time now, something I use to never do. I work at becoming the kind of woman I long to be…the woman like my mom’s friend was…the kind of woman God will be proud to say “She’s my daughter!”

If you don’t like who you are then the good news you can BECOME.

You Will Not

Isaiah 43:1-3 "But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.When you go through rivers of difficulty,   you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you."

It doesn't take much looking around to see the hurt, the fear, the uncertainty. Many of my friends are struggling in one fashion or another and today my heart is heavy that I cannot lift their burdens. If I have learned anything in this life it's that there is always good and bad going on--what we choose to focus on is what shines the brightest. 

Today my sweet friends, choose to focus on the passage found deep within Isaiah...if you are a Christian, if you have accepted that you cannot do life on your own, if you understand the desperate need for One bigger than you then this is for you--"You will not be consumed, you will not be burned, you will not be consumed. I love you." Say it out loud, shout it out for all to hear, do whatever it takes to etch this truth into your soul! It doesn't say "hopefully you'll endure through this" it says "you WILL NOT..." 

Life is hard. I know. Don't just hang in there....rise above and focus on the good. 

I don't have time

"I don't have time to read the Bible." Countless times I've heard that statement from people. "Please, God, just tell me what to do and I'll do it!" I know that is the heart's cry by the same people, I know because I've heard it prayed. Two statements that frankly cancel each other out.

When I first became a Christian, not just a "I believe in God" kind, the only thing I knew about the Bible was some dude had been swallowed by a giant fish, I didn't know why or if he ever got out. That's it. I knew the song "Jesus Loves Me Because the Bible Tells Me So" but I didn't know where in the Bible it said that. So, when I became a Christian a fire was lite inside me and I wanted to know more. I asked a friend, "How do you go about knowing more about someone you cannot see?" The answer, "The love letters He left behind." And so my journey of Bible reading began.

"Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the LORD and he will give you your hearts desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust Him and He will help you." Psalm 37:3-5

We Christians often quote part of that verse, we like the part that says "and he will give you your hearts desires" but we fail to remember what surrounds those words. When reading the Bible we MUST remember it was not written in verse by verse form, it was not meant to be read that way. When reading be sure to read around the verse so that you get all the information SO YOU KNOW WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO!!!

Don't have time to read the Bible? You should make time, because the answer to the prayer "Just tell me what to do" is in there. The Bible doesn't seem applicable to your life? Get a different version because if it's applicable to mine it certainly is to yours! Want direction from God? Start by doing Psalm 37:3-5.

Love letters. You'd read a love letter from your spouse.

Commandments

Psalm 19:8 “The commandments of the LORD are right, bringing joy to the heart; the commandments of the LORD are clear, giving insight to life.”


Commandments. Who likes to be commanded of anything? Even toddlers hate to be commanded. Definitely teenagers hate to be commanded. And, frankly, I at 36 certainly do not tolerate well the idea of a command. And yet, that’s exactly what God calls his instruction for us….commandments.

We are all familiar with the “Ten Commandments” but for many it stops there and with good reason. To many, to myself admittedly at times, being a Christian seems like a bunch of rules and “thou shalt not’s” but when you read Psalm 19:8 commandments are linked to joy and insight—two things I really want and two things we all really need.

Joy is defined (by me) as the peace you feel deep inside regardless of the circumstance. When all seems to pointing in one direction but something deep within you says do something else and you feel an odd sense of peace about that—that is joy; that is God. Joy is not dependent upon how you feel (it’s not about being happy), what you want or even what you’re getting; no, joy is a state of being and according to this Psalm joy comes in the form of commandments.

When I was a kid my mom would often tell me “you didn’t come with an instruction manual” and now that I’m a mother myself I totally get what she was saying! But, this Psalm says otherwise. According to this psalm, we can get insight to life through the commandments of God. True, the bible does not say “When your kid does X, then you do X” I know, because I’ve looked. However, the bible is filled with insight including how to be a good parent. I know. I’ve looked.

Here’s my point, being a Christian is far more than just saying a one-time “I totally suck please forgive me” prayer and then exhaling because at least you’re not going to hell. Being a Christian is a daily process of becoming a better person than you were, a daily reminder of what you are capable of doing (remember, not always linked to what you feel like doing), being a Christian is about understanding that yes there are commandments, but they exist to bring joy and insight! After all, when we tell our toddler don’t touch the stove we have good reason, when we tell our teen you’re not going to that party we have good reason, and when God tells us as adults have no other god but Me, He has good reason.

So, the next time you’re quick to say “Yes I know I’m not supposed to do that, but...” pause and ask yourself why exactly is that particular commandment coming from God and then ask yourself which decision will bring joy and insight, yours or His.

Who are you impressing?

Notice me. That's at the heart of every human being. Yes, even you--the person who likes to say they could care less if anyone pays attention to them--you want to be noticed too. We wear our hair a certain way, we buy certain clothes, we post certain things on Facebook, we talk louder, we stay quieter, all in the hopes to be noticed. Ok, maybe we don't want the whole world to notice us, maybe just one person but have we ever stopped to think about WHY?

Love. That's why. It all comes down to love. Even for the man that says he needs no love. Even for the woman who says she'll never love again. Love. We want to be noticed because we want to be loved. And at the core of that hunger for love, for being noticed, is a deeper cry from God himself saying back to us "notice Me." And yet, we turn to others, ignoring His voice, in the hopes that some person, the right person, will come along and we will finally be whole inside.

It will never leave us, that desire to be noticed by others, but it can be tamed in us when we want more desperately for God to notice us than for another person too. We must stay aware of our desire, aware of why we are doing/saying/acting the way we are and then we must make the necessary adjustments to "keep our eyes turned towards the heavens."

Long Silence

It's been, what seems like, 100 years since I've written anything of substance to post for eyes to read. Truth be told, I haven't done any writing since I entered my time of silence. I'm not sure I'm ready to begin speaking out loud again, but something in me is stirring and for me that means write. So. I'm writing.

I entered this time off because every time I prayed I felt God whispering to me "just be quiet." So, I stepped out of anything that I deemed to be out loud...no more public speaking, no more writing, no more leading of any kind. I even got a "normal" non-churchy type job. And things started to fall into place. And things fell out of place.

One major lesson I have had to learn as a Christian is that life is never ALL good nor is it ALL bad. On one hand, it appears I'm simply taking some time off and God is still blessing us. On the other hand, it appears I am still enduring heartache and trials and God is still testing me. Life is both good and bad. But throughout the last three months I've taken hold of letting myself not do any kind of "deep thinking" and I've just simply lived.

Going through the motions of life can be good for us, it's what gives us a sense of routine and normalcy. Going through the motions can also be dangerous as we are not required to be fully engaged, which means we are not growing we are merely surviving.

My time of silence has been necessary. My heart and mind were not in sink with one another and it was taking a toll on my spirit and body. My attitude was poor, my hope was fading, and my problems were becoming bigger than my God. Yes, I needed to shut my mouth and just be so that God could finally be heard.

Are you struggling right now to hear God? Are you just going through the motions with no thought involved? Are you wondering how things will ever change for you? Be encouraged by me my friend, be encouraged to know that silence is truly golden, God wants you to hear Him more than you want to hear Him, and nothing is more important than to obey what you know you are being told.

I'm not fully ready to emerge and be back to where I was. I'm ok with that. I will move as I'm prompted, writing only when I feel led too and speaking only when I know He has something to say. And, I take great comfort in knowing that if for some reason I get ahead of Him again, He'll simply tell me to be quiet...and I will. Will you?