Keep on keepin on

I've started to write several times over the last week, only to stop and click the discard button followed by a heavy sigh and walking away from the computer. It's just not been coming. As a writer I'm not sure there is anything more frustrating than not being able to write.

The whole truth though is I have been writing, it's just been a private conversation between God and myself. There's moments when I think ooo this will make a good blog entry but when I sit down to write it the feeling changes and I have nothing but a few words on the screen. I'm learning the balance between sharing and not sharing with regards to writing.

This week has been a very emotional week, on many levels. Actually it's been that way for many weeks (more than I probably even realize) but what makes this week different is I've had another light bulb moment in my relationship with God and in how I view life in general. Growing as a woman, as Christian, as a mom...it's draining, exciting, and more challenging than anything I've ever done.

To not reflect, to not try to do better, to remain stagnant well that's all much easier and in many ways more enticing. But, I don't believe we're created to remain the same, to not grow. I don't believe we're created for comfort either. We just happen to like comfort sometimes more than we like growth. Which is why we can't base life on how we feel.

When I die I don't want to be remembered as the one who made us laugh, the one who had so much fun in life, the one with the cool job. I don't. Sure those things are nice, but I don't want them to be my identity. When I die I want my children to say she actually showed what it means to have God at the center of your life. I want to be remembered as a woman that went through this life bending but never breaking, laughing but never ignoring, and getting but only because she was giving.

So, here's to writing...I will not stop. Here's to parenting...I will not run. Here's to my future...I will not miss it.

Keep on keepin on friends, you still have breath in you.