Congrats! Here's your award...

At the end of my senior year we gave our awards for things like "most likely to succeed" and "best attitude" as well as one that I won..."most talkative". I talk. Alot. More than I listen because even when I'm not talking, I'm thinking of what to say.

I set out on a quest nearly three years ago to discover what it means to be a woman and why God created me the way He did. My journey has been anything but smooth, but I've learned more than I ever expected in areas I didn't even think about in relation to being a woman; like patience and talking. Growing up I think I talked so much because I wanted so desperately to be liked. I wasn't the pretty one, the smart one, or the athletic one. But I found that I, at times, was the funny one so I ran with it. Funny isn't always appropriate. But inside I was the one who feared if I shut up I'd become invisible. So, I talked. That award hurt me because I knew it wasn't something to be proud of. I just didn't know how to turn me off.

Fast forward to today, I read the verse from Proverbs 18:2 that says "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions" and must say I smiled because right there is the answer I sought. If verses make you squirm let me put it to you this way...it is better to understand than to be understood. Ahhhh. Many times I can be heard saying things like "I'm working on that" or "I've worked really hard to over come that" and that very phrase falls under the "I'm working on that" phrase. I think I'm getting better, my heart is in the right place now. But I still have moments I reflect on and think I really should have just stayed quiet because I totally made that about me.

My reason for talking,I think, has changed. I no longer feel the insecurity I felt for so long because I know who I am now and I know the direction of my destination. I no longer feel the need to impress because my value comes from God alone. I do however want desperately to help those who are hurting in whatever way I can; and let's face it I'm still me...talking and all.