The Flesh

I've said for some time now that I want to reach a point where I don't react with my flesh, but instead react with the confidence of knowing God is in charge. By my flesh I mean allowing anger to fly out of my mouth, allowing myself to feel overwhelmed with worry and confusion, going straight to despair instead of straight to prayer. Apparently this desire is attractive to Satan because it seems that when I really start to focus on it I get hit from all directions with junk trying my patience, testing what I long for in my heart.

Today is no different. I woke up late, well not totally. I woke on time, feeling great, having a quiet moment with God before getting out of bed...only to turn the alarm off (without realizing it) and then falling back asleep. Kaity came busting through my door yelling MOM IT'S 6:40! To which I let lovely language fly out of my mouth. Then go to work only to realize it's the 15th and the schedules need to be sent out, I thought I had one more day. Then, after lunch I sit down to an email that complicated the financial part of my life...in a very large way. As if that's not enough I then, later on, had a conversation with someone that honestly all I could do was respond with "you're unbelievable" and hang up. And then...to top it off...I've had to deal with some family stuff. It's only 6:38pm too.

But as I sit here, soaking in the day, asking God to please show up in all of this I'm reminded of what I recently said to someone else with regards to their junk...God is always working, even when we don't "see" it. I believe that. I do. With everything in me, I believe that. I refuse to buckle, I refuse to be "chicken little" and I absolutely refuse to accept my flesh is going to win.

I wish there was some easy answer, I wish I could really just "not worry"...I think I'd be dead if that were the case. But I can do as the bible says, as Jesus asks, and cast my worries on Him. I can be patient and wait on the Lord. I can be still and know I am God. All these verses roll through my head, competing with the other thoughts..the ones saying "how could he!", "I'm not going to finish all of this", "what was I thinking", I could go on and on. But instead of camping on those ugly thoughts tonight I'm going to camp on the promise I have that tomorrow is a new day and God promises to meet all my needs, supply all my strength, and Christ died so I may have abundant joy in this life and the next. Trials will come, that's a guarantee but I can choose to not respond with my flesh but rather with my spirit and that's a guarantee of calm in the eye of the storm.

Patience...it's a tricky thing...but I can tell you the truth in this very moment I know I'm much more patient than I use to be..after all, I've yet to punch anyone in the face! ;)