Pedestal

When I was a little girl my mom and I lived with my grandparents for a short time while my mom finished college. I remember watching my grandpa do various things around the house and the awe I had for him. I've never felt more unconditional love by any person on this earth than I felt from him and as a result I placed him on the pedestal of perfection.

A few weeks ago Erica and I had a conversation that involved tears and moments of silence because neither of us knew what to say. I love my children deeper than I have ever loved any one, they've taught me what true grace looks like. There isn't another human being that I long to do right by more than my children and as a result I've placed myself on the pedestal of perfection.

It's often been said we are our own worst enemy, in my life that's definitely the truth. I'm never good enough, smart enough, patient enough, tough enough, loving enough, quiet enough, pretty enough. Many nights I go to bed asking God to forgive me for letting Him down...again. If someone else were saying these words to me I'd simply tell them to stop that, no one is perfect and God's love covers every inch of us, even the "not enough" parts.

Part of working through this year of clarity for me is to do away with the pedestals, to see clearly how God sees me and then to embrace that vision till it becomes a louder truth to me than the lies in my head. My grandpa was not perfect and I am not perfect. God doesn't ask for perfection, He asks for dedication and if I'm to learn anything from my grandpa on how I should be living my life it's that very notion...be dedicated to One who is perfect.