So Unworthy

I was talking with a friend the other day about why it's hard for me to take compliments from others, especially when it's with regards to my relationship with God..."you have amazing faith", "I wish God used me like He uses you", "I wish I had your confidence"...if they only knew.

If you only knew how many times a day I say to God "really? me?"
If you only knew how many times I tell God I don't want to do "it" any more.
If you only knew how many times I remind him of the junk I've done in my past, the past includes an hour ago.
If you only knew how many times I yell at my kids, ignore a phone call, sleep time away.
If you only knew how many nights I cry myself to sleep because of unanswered prayers.
If you only knew...

Here's the thing friends, you might not know all the thoughts I have, the feelings I struggle with but God certainly does. The way I see it I have two choices, I can either wallow in the "I'm not worthy" thinking or I can say "I'm not worthy but I accept Your love".

Mark 2:17 Jesus said "I did not come for the righteous but for the sinners" and my friends WE are the sinners.

I've yet to meet a person that feels DESERVING of God's love. I've yet to meet a person that will stand on a stage and tell you they don't struggle with the if only's. Actually, what I find, when people are honest is a common theme of feeling so unworthy.

I am Carla. A woman who got pregnant twice out of marriage, has two divorces under my belt, yells when I should listen, worries when I should pray, breaks the speed limit, drinks beer and wine, eats more than I should, is flat broke, AND I am a woman who chases God with relentless devotion, isn't afraid to say when I feel God has spoken to me, stands up for what I believe in, and refuses to back down to Satan. I am Carla...a beautiful messed up woman that God says is completely worthy.

And so are you.

"...choose this day whom you will serve" my friends, will you continue to serve the "I'm not worthy" swirling inside you or will you stand up and serve the God that says you are absolutely worthy?