My idol

I wanted to run today, I ended up walking. Just couldn't get my body going fast enough. My time was longer than normal, though I never checked my watch until I was finished. I could just feel it inside, I knew I was moving slower. There are days when my mind is the only thing moving fast; it's gonna be one of those days.

Life is spinning around me right now, different topics, different people, different emotions, all spinning at once. I fell asleep last night talking with God, I continued that conversation on the trail. As I passed different people, some I see each day, I wondered what their story was; do they feel life is spinning to fast too? I was deep in thought, listening to music, as I passed each person, smiling and giving a wave; only to return to my wandering mind. Then a song came on that said "we lift up our idols" and it all made sense.

My idol today is control. I have friends that are hurting, family that is struggling, bills to be paid, a ministry to grow, school to start, kids to get organized so they can be successful in school, a house to clean, a book to write, emails to reply, and and and and and......and at the center as Jesus that keeps whispering just be with Me. I hear Him, I answer back "I will, I promise, I've got to do this one thing first". I fear that if I don't, the bottom will fall through.

My idol has caused me to be emotionally drained and now physically worn out. And Jesus is still there, whispering my name. So, today as I walked instead of ran, I cried and asked for forgiveness. My idol, for a brief moment, was the center. I still have that stuff swirling around, because it's all real and part of life; but it's not the center of my life and none of it depends on me...none of it. God is in control of my family, I've prayed for those I love, and I trust Him to show me how to get it all accomplished in order to bring Him glory.

At the end of my walk, I paused, took a deep breath and said "thank you for loving me enough".

Till next time...