Single

I was raised to be a very independent woman, one that can handle herself and not depend on anyone especially a man. "At the end of the day you're all you got Carla"; a phrase I heard often as a child. Today I have to remind myself that I rely on God not me. Today I'm trying to find balance between being independent and saying I need you.

As a single mom there are a lot of things that I must do alone, endure alone. When you're married and you find a dead mouse you can go get your husband to remove it; today as I moved the trash can to curb I uncovered a dead mouse. "Just great" was the thought that went through my head and then "today would be a great day for you to send me a husband" followed....then I just sighed and kicked into the bush as a chill went down my back.

As independent as I am, there is still this part of me that's very traditional, very much wants to depend on a man. Cleaning the garage and doing yard work would fall under that "I need you" part. I'm not suppose to be cleaning the garage, seeing all the stupid mouse poop everywhere. I'm not suppose to be trying to cut down limbs and weed against the fence without actually touching the fence. Yet, that's what is on the list for today and then finish up on Saturday. Sure I could call people and say would you come help me but I'd rather have that husband that just does it cause it needs to be done. That husband that works alongside me and then at the end of the day we sit outside and marvel over all we've gotten accomplished.

I am independent, but I need you. I am fully capable of doing it on my own, but I'll enjoy doing it alongside you. I won't ask for help, but I'll gladly welcome you're hands around mine to open the pickle jar. Independence is good, it's healthy. But at the end of the day I don't want to just have me and frankly God doesn't either...after all the story goes "Adam AND Eve..."

But today, today I am single. Today I will roar my woman who needs no one battle cry and today I will clean up that stupid garage, then sit on the deck and pray I don't have to do it again. And that's ALL ok.

Till next time...