Day 10. Peace in Dandelions

I had lunch with my son today. My 20 year, grown man, son. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that—I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to hugging my boy who now towers over me. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to seeing facial hair on him, to hear his deeper voice, nor do I think I’ll ever get used to hearing the stories of his life unfolding—an adult life, a life I’m no longer the center of. No, I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to any of that. 

One of my fondest memories of Tyler is when he was not yet 3 years old and we were walking out to the car, his little hand in mine, his baby sister in my other hand…I kept feeling the tug of him as he’d bend down, clearly trying to reach something as I’m trying to hurry him to the car. “Tyler, come on, we need to get going.” I said that two or three times before I finally paused to see what exactly was he trying to do and that’s when life suddenly stopped. My son, my first born, my little man, was picking dandelions for me as we walked down the sidewalk, but because he couldn’t reach the ground fully due to holding my hand he’d collected a bunch of heads of those yellow weeds.  My son looked up at me and in his sweet little voice he said “You’re beautiful, Mommy. Here…” and handed me flowers with all the pride a little boy could ever possibly have. 

Today my son and I sat talking about the past, about different memories he has, about different things we’ve experienced and things he’s learned along the way. As I sat across from him, sushi in between us (it’s our thing), I heard a whisper in my heart—embrace this peace.

My son was created inside of me when I was still a child myself. And my son has had to reap the consequences of a lost teen mom for most his life. Today, today, I’m nearly 40 years old and far from that 21 year old scared girl who was just trying to keep it together with 2 kids and a struggling marriage. Today I’m a different person…and…so is my son. WE have grown up and though we have been through so many trials, we have endured and together we find peace in one another.  

My heart bursts open when I’m with my kids, when I see their smiles, hear their laughter—my heart literally feels like it’s bursting open as I FEEL their love.  

Friends, we are missing out on a lot of “dandelion” moments because we are so busy moving from one thing to the other. Take time to be in the moment and embrace the peace being created.