Day 6...Jesus Wrecked My Life

I tend to say things that can be shocking to people who don’t know me…ok, shocking to the ones that know me too, but they at least give me the benefit of the doubt. The other day I made a statement that went something like “…and then Jesus wrecked my life…” I could tell by the look on her face she didn’t find that statement OK in the slightest. But He did. He DID wreck my life. 

Before I became a Christian life was anything but smooth sailing; however I was the one calling the shots. If I wanted it, I got it. If it felt good, I did it. I lived only for myself and saw that as “being independent.” I was proud, judgmental, obnoxious, insecure, loads of fun, and on the fast train to destruction. Then one day, on a back road in the middle of nowhere (I’d gotten lost as I was having another “run away” fit) I gave up and through heaving tears committed my heart, my life, my destiny to God. In that moment I gave up my own way in exchange for His way—only I didn’t realize just how difficult that would be, I didn’t realize that meant he would derail my train and wreck my life.  

My life NEEDED to be wrecked!!!!

Becoming a Christian is the BEST decision I have ever made and the HARDEST commitment I have ever kept. I think I will have that added to my tombstone because I truly believe it embodies who I am. I love God with every ounce of my being. I do. But I would be lying if I said I enjoyed being a Christian every day. I do not. Being a Christian is hard work that requires commitment in the face of fear. Commitment and I are not really buddies—when I’ve had enough, I leave. When I don’t like something, I quit. When I feel uncomfortable, I run away. Commitment, staying no matter what, is just not something I know how to do. Three times I have contemplated if being a Christian is the right decision. Three different times I have been on my knees, seeking from a place of utter despair, if God is worth it—being a Christian is literally the hardest commitment I have ever kept. 

When I hear people say the bible isn’t something they can relate to, the bible isn’t something they can understand, the bible isn’t real I find myself truly perplexed. The bible is the ultimate train wreck--that brings me complete comfort. Inside the pages are lives that represent dishonor, murder, hate, grace, forgiveness, love, anger, betrayal, and on and on. The bible is where we meet Peter. Peter and I have a lot in common, one of which is the number 3. Peter denied Jesus 3 times. THREE times he said “Nope, don’t know that man at all.” Not once, not even twice, but three times he literally said the words denouncing he knows Jesus let alone loves and follows him. Peter, this man that is called “the rock on which I will build my church” had his own moment of doubt, of fear, of running away, of lack of commitment.

Church, we are a collection of people who are very broken pretending to be very perfect. We need to knock it off. We need to stop telling the rest of the world to get their act together when we clearly don’t even have our own together. We need to stop giving the list of things to say and do. We need to just knock it off. We need to admit that our lives need wrecked, daily; that we need Jesus in ways we can’t even fully express, that we are a desperate people in need of saving—undeserving, yes, but needed nevertheless. 

When Jesus rose from the dead he told the women to “go and tell them I have risen…and go tell Peter also.” He specifically pointed out Peter, making sure it’s understood that even in our weakest moments, even when we cave to the fear of circumstances surrounding us He will still seek us out and say “I did all of this for you, yes YOU.” 

I have been a Christian for 13 years and in those 13 years I have grown leaps and bounds in some areas and a snail pace in others. Still to this day I need God to come in and wreck my life because still to this day I struggle to fully surrender my life to Him, to do ALL that He asks me to do, to not run, to not fight, to not doubt.  

Church, stop pretending and start being real. We are Christians because our lives are ridiculously bad on our own and we NEED wrecking. We want others to come to church with us not because we’ve got it together and they need to get it together—we want others to come to church because even in our moments of denying, even in our moments of fear and wanting to run away, Jesus says “and go and tell…”  Church, the world NEEDS wrecked and we need to be courageous enough to admit that. During this particular season, with all the uncertainty going on around us, with the clear seeking of peace, let’s be courageous enough to say “Come to church with me, let me introduce you to the One that wrecked my life—it’s where you find peace.”

Jesus wrecked my life. I will spend the rest of my breath thanking Him for that because Jesus saved my life.